No Words
by moonshoesangel
Summary: As a child, Castiel lost his family, but found a new one with John and Sam Winchester. After fighting along side his best friend for many years, he is damned to Hell, but saved by a powerful being- an angel named Dean. Castiel had been led to believe his whole life that he was a human, but after discovering the truth, he must face an old lover and save humanity from the end.
1. Prologue

**Attention: Moonshoesangel has begun writing Supernatural fanfiction!**

**I'm a Glee writer mostly, but you can't deny the amazing canon of Supernatural to take and totally screw up! Just kidding, this is actually not poop on a screen I hope (don't kill me!)**

**I've written a great deal of this story already and hope that you enjoy! Reviews=angel kisses and who doesn't want that!?**

**This is a Destiel AU. Castiel is a human who is taken in by John and Sam Winchester when he is a boy and loses his family to demons. The demons are after him because they know something about Castiel that he doesn't and won't know until he is a grown man and is visited by a peculiar angel with a strange name: Dean.**

**Castiel's character in this story is closely related to Dean's in canon, but with slight differences. Dean's character is nothing like Castiel's in canon. Ye be warned. Sam is just Sam and we love Sam. Unfortunately, the Impala will likely come along later. Cas drives a truck. He just looks like a truck guy to me in my head. DON'T KILL ME, OK!?**

* * *

The little boy slammed the bedroom door behind him, muffling the screams from down the stairs. He leaned back against it, his eyes wide and wandering, looking for something- anything- that would protect him.

More screams and a second voice- one he didn't recognize- met his ears. He threw himself under the bed and covered his eyes, reciting the short little prayer his mother often recited with him at night before he went to bed.

He was always a frightened little boy. His mother and father told him he just watched too many monster movies, but he couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling he often got as if someone was watching him, waiting for him to make the first move. He would ask his mother and father each night to check under the bed, in the closet, behind the door...and each time, his mother would coo and do it, smiling when no monsters were found. His father would sigh deeply and throw open the closet door. "See? Nothing there."

It had all been lies. When his father and mother came in the living room, eyes black and empty, smiling like they had finally found water at the end of a long desert...he knew it was all lies. Monsters were real and they were there for him.

The new voice was reciting something in a strange language-Latin..how did he know that? The floor shook beneath him and he started to cry, burying his head in his hands and squeezing his eyes shut. Make it stop, God, he prayed. Please make it stop.

Almost as if his prayer had been answered, the shaking ceased. The screams stopped and there was silence that made his head hurt. The only sounds were those of his sniffles and boot steps coming rapidly up the stairs.

The door flew open and light flooded the room. He climbed from beneath the bed and grabbed the baseball bat next to his nightstand.

"Woah, woah, easy," a calm, strong voice that appeared as a shadow in the surrounding light beckoned to him. He blinked back his tears and tightened his grip on the bat.

"It's ok, we aren't going to hurt you," he moved closer and the boy could see his face in the light. It was dusted with stubble, his hair dark and slightly ruffled. Behind him was a boy...a boy holding a sawed-off shot gun and wearing a kind expression.

"Wh-who are you?" the boy's small voice shook. The man placed his own gun on the bed and knelt down to his level.

"I'm here to help you. What's your name?"

The boy let the bat fall back against his shoulder, still not letting it go. The man's eyes were soft and warm, even with the blood dripping down his forehead.

"Come on, I promise you're safe with us. What's your name?"

The boy glanced between the man and the boy, whose brown eyes were shining and curious. He still held his gun close. The man noticed he was watching the gun.

"Put the gun down, Sammy. You're scaring him."

The boy, Sammy, placed his gun next to the man's on the bed. He turned back to him, urging him with his eyes.

"C-Castiel...my name is Castiel."

The man's eyes widened a little bit, studying the boy's face. "Well, Castiel...my name is John...this is my son Sam," he nodded toward the little boy. "We're going to need you to come with us. We're gonna find you a safe place to go, but until then you need to stay with us."

Castiel dropped his bat to his side. "Mom...Dad..."

John's eyes shimmered a little. "I'm so sorry, kid...they didn't make it. Those monsters in them...those were demons. They must have killed them before they came for you..."

Castiel's eyes dropped to the floor and the bat clattered on the hardwood. "No..."

John placed two hands on Castiel's shoulders, steadying the boy. "I'm sorry...but we are going to take care of you. I promise."

* * *

Dead. His grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...everyone who was ever connected to the boy...dead.

John sat at the table in the hotel, his hands shaking. How was he going to tell the sad little boy that there was no one in the world for him? Castiel slept restlessly on the bed near the door while Sam sat cross-legged on the floor, wiping down his tiny sawed-off shotgun. John looked at Sam, only 7 years old, and wondered how in the world he would feel if he were all alone. Sam looked up at his dad, a small small crossing his sweet little face.

"Dad? Is Castiel gonna stay with us?"

John looked over at the little boy sleeping on the bed, knowing good and damn well he could never just let the child go off on his own. There would come a day when Castiel would have to know the truth. Not just about his family, but about why the demons were hunting him in the first place.

"Yeah, Sammy...he's gonna stay with us."

* * *

"This is called a shotgun," Sam sat across from Castiel on the floor, holding his own little sawed-off in his small hands. "We put salt rounds in it and it hurts ghosts and demons."

Castiel, eyes empty and staring at Sam's hands as he spoke, nodded slowly. Sam sighed and put the gun down.

"Are you ok?"

"I miss my mom and dad," Castiel said quietly. Sam scooted a little closer, his knees bumping Castiel's.

"My mom was killed by a demon, too...and my big brother. My dad and me started hunting demons and found out that all this other bad stuff was out there hurting people. Now, you can help us. Dad calls it "justice"."

Castiel looked up at Sam, silent tears falling down his face. "What's justice?"

Sam shrugged. "It's kinda like...they hurt you, so you hurt them. Every time I kill a ghost or exorcise a demon, I think about how mad I am that monsters killed my mom and brother...so they get what they deserve."

Castiel thought about that. He was angry. Really angry. He picked up Sam's little gun and held it in his hands.

"How does this thing work?"

* * *

After months of teaching, gun ranges, and long nights of tears and anger, Castiel finally joined John and Sam on his first hunt.

It was a vampire nest.

"Now remember, kid, bring them down, then swing hard, ok?" John handed him the machete, placing it into small, shaking hands.

"If you don't want to do this, Cas, you don't have to," John whispered to him. Castiel's heart swelled a little bit like it always did when John called him Cas. It made him feel like he was tethered to John. It was their own little thing.

"I'm ok. I promise," Castiel nodded. "I'm ready."

John smiled and nodded. "I know you are. Let's go."

The first slice through the neck of a vampire was something Castiel would never, ever forget.

"I'm proud of you, Cas," John gripped his shoulder after the hunt. Castiel's heart was racing, his blood hot and his gut full to the brim with fire. Sam was right...justice.

* * *

Castiel sat on the tailgate of his truck, his shoulder aching and his blood pumping furiously through his body. He tossed his machete into the back of the truck without wiping off the blood of the vamp he had just decapitated. He pulled out his phone to call John for the hundredth time. At 26, Castiel had surprised himself with how much he depended on the man who raised him. After Sam had left, John was not the same, going off for days at a time by himself to come back, drag Castiel along for a few weeks, then drop him off again. Castiel made his own way, though, finding small hunts here and there to keep busy.

No answer again. Castiel cursed and pressed end. After much debate, he let out a deep sigh and put his tailgate back up. He hopped in his truck and drove like a mad man. He had to get to California.

Breaking in was nothing. The dumb bastard had gotten rusty on his security. Castiel walked slowly through the small apartment, glancing around looking for any sign of movement, but there was only silence.

It was the creak of the floorboard that gave him away. He slung around and grabbed the bat that went for his head and slammed his attacker against the wall. The man tried to kick him but he grabbed his foot and kicked him back into the room and held him down.

"Getting a little rusty, there, Sammy," Castiel couldn't help but smile. Sam was lying on his back, surprised expression the same as it was the last time he saw him four years before.

"Cas?"

Castiel stood and helped Sam up. "We gotta talk-"

"Sam?" he heard a woman's voice and looked up to see a beautiful woman in a Smurf's half t-shirt and underwear.

"Well...hello," Castiel smirked. Sam whacked his shoulder.

"Cas, this is Jessica. Jess, this is my best friend, Castiel."

"Cas is fine," Castiel stepped forward, but Sam stopped him.

"Castiel...you're the one that grew up with Sam, right? His dad took you in?" Jessica asked, smiling sweetly.

Castiel nodded. "Yep, that's me. I'm four years older, by the way, so if you ever decide you want a man instead of a boy-"

"What did you want to talk about, Cas?" Sam cut him off, rolling his eyes. "And why didn't you just call or at least knock!?"

"Would you have answered?"Castiel asked, his expression questioning. The circumstances of Sam leaving had not been pleasant. Castiel and Sam would always be close- as close as brothers- but Sam and John...

Sam glanced down then back up. "Ok...so what's going on?"

Castiel looked between Sam and Jessica. "Could we do this in private?"

Sam furrowed his brow. "No. Whatever you have to say to me, you can say in front of Jessica," he placed an arm around the girl's waist. Castiel let out a deep sigh.

"Ok, fine...your dad hasn't been home in a few days."

Sam looked unphazed. "So? He's Dad. He'll come stumbling back in before long."

Castiel rolled his eyes and stepped forward. "Your dad is on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days."

That changed Sam's tune. After a moment, Sam cleared his throat.

"Jess...I need to speak to Cas alone."

* * *

It had been two years since Jessica was killed by the yellow-eyed demon that killed Sam's mom and brother- killed John. Now, the yellow-eyed demon finally got what he wanted.

He got Sam dead.

Castiel drunkenly stumbled toward a crossroads not far from the old townhouse he brought Sam's body to and buried his box in the ground containing one of the many fake ID photos he had.

"Where the hell are you, you son of a bitch?" he mumbled, looking down each road for a sign.

"Hey, that's my mother you're talking about," he heard a beautiful voice behind him. A woman with dark brown hair and a pair of red eyes greeted him.

"Castiel...honey, you really don't know when to quit, do you? First your mommy and daddy, then John...now Sam..."

"I wanna make a deal," Castiel growled, facing the demon. An amused smile came across her face.

"And why would I even consider making a deal with you?"

"Ten years...give me ten years and you can have me then...just bring him back. He's like a brother to me. I can't lose him. He's all I have!"

"No," she said simply and turned away. Castiel gritted his teeth.

"Five then! Please!"

"Why should I give you anything?" the demon turned around, anger on her face.

Castiel fixed her with a look. He was getting desperate.

"Damn those puppy-dog eyes...I shouldn't do this, but fine. One year and one year only."

One year. Castiel gulped hard and centered himself. "And you'll bring Sam back?"

"As good as new. But don't even think of trying to weasel out of this deal. The second you find your way out, Sam drops dead." the demon placed her hands against Castiel's muscled chest. "So...deal?"

Castiel gripped the back of the demon's neck and kissed her hard, sealing his fate and signing his death warrant.

Castiel had decided at the moment he sealed the deal he had steeled himself to pain...

...But the pain of having your guts ripped out by hellhounds was unimaginable.

So were Sam's screams of anguish.

Castiel didn't die right away. He saw Lillith smoke out and Sam drop down next to him, gripping him tight against his chest.

"Come on, Cas...it's ok...you're ok..."

Castiel wanted so bad to tell Sam that that was true, but he knew this was it for him. After the many times he stared death in the face, he knew what it looked like. This was the end for Castiel.

Pain. Blood stench. Burning flesh.

Sam's face died away and now he was staring up into semi-darkness. This was it.

This was Hell.

* * *

**Chapter 2 picks up after he climbs out of Hell and where the real meat of the story begins. The canon up to this point is about to totally change. The Apocalypse will happen, but not for a while and not with Ruby. Lillith with make a comeback later than she does in canon.**


	2. From Hell

**I'm in a posting mood today, so you get chapter 2 for free. **

**Next time, that'll be three fifty...**

**I already know what you are going to say at the end of this chapter**

**"HE DIDN'T SAY THE 'RAISE YOU FROM PERDITION THINGYTHING!"**

**This is Dean...that was Cas. It's one of Cas's best and most memorable lines and it'll kinda make since as you learn about Cas's past.**

**ONWARD!**

* * *

Castiel smelled life before he felt it punch him in the gut. There was a stench of wet dirt and old pine wood that filled his nose before the lungs in his chest reinflated. He gasped for air in the stagnant box he found himself in and scrambled for purchase. He was no longer in Hell. Where was he?

He reached into his pockets and found a lighter, flicking it with clumsy fingers until the small space lit up.

"A coffin?!" he rasped. His voice was almost non-existent. He started beating against the ceiling of the coffin, dirt crumbling down onto this face as he finally broke through the moldy wood.

It seemed to take hours of scraping, but finally, he felt fresh air hit his hand as he reached up through the dirt and found the surface.

Castiel crawled out of the ground, gasping and breathing heavily as he rolled over on his back. The sun was impossibly bright, causing Castiel to shield his eyes. As he looked around, he noticed something odd. It was barren around him. Carefully, Castiel stood up and looked around.

Trees lay uprooted for around a mile around him. It was a haunting sight.

Castiel looked around for a road for almost three hours before he found one that led to a gas station. It was deserted, which made Castiel both relieved and a little upset. Being topside must have been a dream. Seeing some real people who weren't demons would have been a nice reassurance.

He tossed his jacket off, leaving him in a black t-shirt and jeans that were layered with sweat and dust. That was when he noticed something...

No scars. Castiel had accumulated an embarrassing number in his life time, but they were gone. He lifted his shirt, searching for the claw marks from the hellhounds, but there was nothing but tanned, toned skin. A twinge in his arm made him roll up his sleeve and there, burned into his skin, was a large hand print. His blood ran cold. Did something ride me out? he thought.

The ache in his stomach from dehydration and hunger quickly interrupted his thoughts. He ran over to the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water, downing the whole thing in only a few seconds before reaching for another. Castiel packed up a bag full of water and snacks before heading over to the counter and working open the register, ripping it open and taking out all that he could.

Castiel jumped as he heard the radio fritz. He reached over and turned to dial to turn it off, but to no avail. The television came on, showing white noise and making Castiel glance around nervously. It was a slow build, but a ringing began to rattle Castiel's ear drums. He made to run out of the door but the ringing became so bad it brought him to his knees.

The windows flew in, shattering over Castiel's head as a wild force rushed through the gas station. Castiel buried his head in his hands, shielding himself from the blast. He must have been delirious. There was no way that horrible ringing noise had made the sound of his name.

'Castiel' he had heard among the blood rushing to his head and the shattered glass bouncing off the floors.

The room finally settled and he looked around, half expecting to be back in the Pit, but there was the gas station, utterly destroyed around him.

Castiel ran out to the phone booth and started dialing Sam's numbers. None of them picked up.

With a curse, he started to dial another number- Bobby. Bobby was a friend of John's who had helped him and Sam often on their hunts. The old man had been there for Castiel in his last year.

"Hello?"

"Bobby? Bobby, it's me-"

"Me who?" Bobby's curmudgeonly old voice scoffed.

"It's Cas."

There was a slight pause, then "Call here again and I'll kill you."

The line dropped and Castiel slammed the phone down. "Fuck," he mumbled. He looked around and found an old car.

The trip to South Dakota was slow going, seeing as how it had been four months since he had driven a vehicle and he hadn't quite gotten his land legs back. He finally reached the old salvage place and hopped out of the car.

After a few knocks the door finally opened and there was Bobby, same ball cap, flannel shirt and vest he always wore, looking like he had seen a ghost.

"Hey Bobby," Castiel smiled nervously. Bobby looked him over, then struck.

Bobby was quick for an old man, but even after months in the Pit, Castiel had his arm behind his back in a second, fighting away a knife with the other.

"Bobby, come on, it's me!"

"Sure it is, Hellbitch!" Bobby snaked his flask out of his back pocket, elbowed Castiel in the gut and doused him with Holy water. To his surprise, but not Castiel's, Castiel didn't burn.

"I 'm not a demon!" Castiel rasped.

"Then you're a shapeshifter!"

Castiel growled and ripped the knife from Bobby's hand, pulled back his sleeve and cut his arm, blood dripping off the wound, but not burning. Bobby looked lost.

"See? It's me..." Castiel handed him his knife back, but Bobby didn't take it. Instead he threw his arms around Castiel's shoulders and gripped him in a bear hug. Castiel finally realized it was all real. He was really home.

"It's good to see you, boy," Bobby said low in his ear. "Welcome home."

* * *

When they went tracked down Sam, they didn't expect to find a beautiful woman in her underwear opening the door of his shady motel room.

Sam's reaction to Castiel walking into his room was much like Bobby's, frightening the poor girl to death when Sam whipped out a silver knife and held it to Castiel's neck.

"I've already done all that, Sam, it's really him," Bobby pulled Sam off him, taking the knife. Sam studied Castiel for a moment.

"Cas?"

Castiel smiled and nodded. "Yep."

Sam wasted no time. The boy was a monster and it took Castiel a second to catch his breath after Sam almost broke his ribs in a hug.

"Air, Sam, air," he gasped and chuckled.

"So...are you two together or something?" the girl behind them smirked a little, making Castiel give her an odd look.

"No, no, this is my best friend, Cas. Look, I hate to run you off, but..." Sam started, but she smiled and waved her hands.

"Totally understand. Bro time, right?" she smiled and dressed before walking out of the room. Castiel gave Sam a pointed look.

"So this is what you've been doing while I was rotting? Banging chicks?"

Sam couldn't hide a blush. "Dude, I thought you were dead. Speaking of which, what the Hell are you even doing here?"

Castiel filled him in like he had Bobby, but this time, he included the gas station. Bobby popped him on the back of the head for not mentioning it earlier, but after he told them, the other two men were confused.

"You said you heard your name?"

"Like someone was trying to talk to me...I don't know. And then...there's this," he slid off his jacket and revealed the handprint on his shoulder.

"Holy shit," Sam gasped, touching the edges of the burn with his fingertips. "What is that?"

"My first thought was that some demon rode me out, but...I don't think a demon would have the juice to do something like raise someone out of the Pit."

"Demons don't," Bobby said in the voice Sam and Castiel knew meant that he was thinking.

"Is there any way to find out?"

Bobby shrugged. "I know a psychic. Maybe the other side has heard whispers."

* * *

"I can't see...I CAN'T SEE!"

Castiel was in shock. He had no idea this would happen.

Pamela was a psychic friend of Bobby's, a sexy cougar if Castiel did say so himself, that graciously offered to help them communicate with whatever had burned its hand into Castiel's skin.

It all seemed to be a blur as he held Pamela on the floor, two large burned holes where her eyes had been less than two minutes before, but there was the name. Whatever it was told them its name.

Dean.

It played in Castiel's head like a bad song as they loaded Pamela into an ambulance.

"Now what?" Sam asked. Castiel's blood was still cold from the sounds of Pamela's screams...and the odd feeling he got when the thing spoke to her. It was as if he and this thing were somehow connected. There was a pull to this thing and now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

Days later they sat in a diner, Castiel hanging up his cell phone after getting an update on Pamela.

"She's out of ICU. Said she should be ok."

"That's good," Sam nodded and picked at his salad.

"It's not good, Sam, I'm the reason she's there in the first place. We got a name- Dean. Maybe we can interrogate the demons. See if they know anything."

"Right, Cas, let's just string one up and see if it'll talk," Sam gave him a look that he knew from years of experience was a bitch face. Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Fine, whatever..."

Their waitress came over and sat down in the seat next to them, looking between them with a smile on her face.

Castiel cocked an eyebrow. "Um...Can I help you?"

"Heard you were looking for us," the girl's eyes turned black. Castiel glanced around the bar, the patrons and the cook watching them closely, eyes blacked out.

"Damn," Sam mumbled. Castiel placed his hand on his knife.

"So...big man strolled out of the Pit...I bet you feel real good about yourself."

"I sleep well at night, yeah...what do you know about how I got out?"

The demon chuckled and crossed her legs. "They don't tell me much."

"Not in your paygrade?" Sam smarted off. The demon glared at him then returned to Castiel.

Castiel leaned forward a little, then slapped the demon across the face.

"Cas, what the fuck!?" Sam reached for his knife, but the demon didn't move. She shook off the slap like it was a mosquito bite.

"They aren't gonna do anything...they don't know who pulled me out...and they're scared," Castiel told him, never breaking eye contact. "Whatever it is, you don't want it coming after you, do you?"

The demon gathered herself and fixed him with a look. "Whatever it was...I don't want anything to do with it."

Castiel nodded. "Ok." He pulled out a twenty and slapped it on the table. "Come on, Sam."

Not a single demon followed them toward the door. Castiel threw it open and Sam cautiously walked out.

"Don't ever do that again," Sam growled at him.

"Well, now we know...it wasn't a demon. Whatever it is, it's got power."

* * *

Bobby glared at Castiel from across the room. How the boy had talked him into summoning this thing he will never know, but here they were in a barn in the middle of nowhere, sigils of every religion and spell craft painted on the walls. Bobby had just finished the incantation and had seated himself on a table.

"Now what?" Castiel asked.

"We wait, dumbass," he growled and cocked his gun. It took some waiting. Thirty minutes or so.

"Did you do the spell right?" Castiel finally broke the silence. Bobby fixed him with a glare and Castiel shut his mouth.

The roof of tin started banging. They jumped up, weapons ready.

"Wishful thinking...but maybe it's the wind?" Castiel kept his eyes on the door, which was starting to crack open as the building shook. Lights overhead began to flicker and explode.

The door opened and a large shadow had them freezing on the spot. It was a man, or so it seemed. He walked slowly and with purpose, the commotion around him not phasing him at all. Bobby finally pulled his gun up and began to shoot.

Nothing. The man continued to slowly walk as rock salt filled his skin and punctured his shirt- a plain olive t-shirt with jeans and what looked like work boots. If Castiel had known better, he would have assumed the man was merely human. His eyes were shimmering emerald, fixed in determination as he moved closer to them. Their weapons empty, they stepped back.

The man faced Castiel, slightly towering over him, but his eyes were not threatening. They seemed a little comforting to Castiel and the feeling he felt at the séance returned.

"Who are you?" Castiel got out as he reached behind him at the table for his knife.

The man tilted his head a little. "I'm the one who saved you."

Castiel's skin grew goosebumps at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah...thanks for that..." Castiel pulled his knife around and stabbed the man directly in the heart. He looked down, eyes a little amused, and pulled the knife slowly from his body.

Bobby came toward the man with a crowbar, expecting to crack the man's skull, but without looking, the man grabbed it and placed two fingers to Bobby's forehead, dropping him to the floor.

Oh shit, Castiel thought to himself.

"Your friend is alive," he walked over to the opposite table and flipped lazily through a book on the table.

"Who are you?" Castiel stepped forward cautiously.

"You can call me Dean," he didn't look up.

"Yeah, Dean, but what are you?"

Matter of factly, Dean looked up at Castiel. "I'm an angel of the Lord."

It must have been the nerves because Castiel laughed out loud.

Dean quirked an eyebrow. "Is there something funny?"

"Angels..." Castiel shook his head. "Angels aren't real."

"There is an angel standing in front of you, Castiel," Dean held his arms out and in a flash of lightning, Castiel jumped back at the sight of a large dark shadow- wings- against the back wall of the barn. They stretched all the way up to the roof and around for a piece at the corners. "How can you say what is in front of you isn't real?"

Castiel stilled his dizzied mind long enough to find the question he had been wanting to ask.

"Why did you pull me out of Hell?"

Dean stepped forward and straightened a little, a sense of pride in the answer he was about to give. "Because God commanded it."

Castiel furrowed his brow. Angels? God? None of that was real. It was true, Castiel believed in what he could see. He had never seen God and, until now, had never seen an angel.

"Why would God want me out?"

Dean's eyes seemed to go soft. Until now he had seemed very professional and emotionless. Now, it seemed he was about to tell Castiel something he knew he didn't want to hear.

"Because angels don't belong in Hell."

* * *

**WHAT!?**

**Yeah, another thing I didn't mention is that my author's notes are ridiculous.**

**I imagine the Castiel in this story to closely resemble a younger Misha. Longer hair, maybe no scruff...baby Misha I guess.**

**Dean is more like season two Dean. Getting older, but still has the softer voice...**

**The trench coat will come along. It won't be Dean's though. lol**


	3. No Words

**Mk... got some favorites, got some reviews...this is good.**

**Anyway, so yeah, started my new job at the hospital yesterday (I'm a baby nurse! woot. well...babies to 18 years old lol) so here's chapter three! prepare to NOT be safe from any drama this time around...sorry.**

* * *

The long, apologetic look Dean was giving him stretched into thin moments where Castiel seemed to be slowly processing what Dean was saying.

"I was assigned to a rescue mission...you. God sent 40 of us down, but only three made it back. Castiel...We were sent to rescue an angel from Hell..."

"Yeah, I get that, but why did you pull me out? What happened to this angel you were supposed to save?"

Castiel wasn't dumb. He was highly intelligent for a man who never did homework or finished high school. Dean, however, looked into his soul, telling him what he didn't want to hear again, and he felt like a total idiot.

"No," Castiel shook his head, turning around moving to leave, but then remembered Bobby was unconscious on the floor and Dean was still boring holes into the back of his head.

"You don't remember...it's not unusual for a fallen angel to forget-"

"Shut up," he growled at Dean and ran his hand through his hair. "My parents were Bill and Ana Novak. I was born in North Carolina-"

"Reborn," Dean said softly. "I'm sure this is all very confusing and a little frightening..."

"No shit," Castiel spat at him. "I'm not an angel, ok?"

"I am here to help you come to terms and try to assimilate you back into Heaven. It was God's will."

Castiel shook his head. "Look, just...go, or something."

Dean sighed, his eyes gaining back the apologetic look, then walked over to Bobby and woke him. The old man jumped up to his feet quickly and stared, awestruck, at the angel.

"I'll be in touch, Castiel. Pray for me if you need me."

In a blink and a whoosh of what sounded like feathers in the wind, he was gone.

* * *

"Angels...real angels?" Sam asked again, amazed by Castiel and Bobby's discovery. Castiel came home and went straight for the shower. He figured if he sat in there long enough, the supposed 'angel' in him would wash away. He didn't tell Bobby or Sam what Dean had told him. Now, he sat with a beer on the couch at Bobby's while Bobby read through books of angel lore and Sam gushed about angels.

"It makes sense, though. An angel is one of the most powerful supernatural beings in existence. Surely it would be strong enough to get you out."

"It took forty," Castiel grumbled into his beer, acting unimpressed by the power of the angels.

"Well, apparently this Dean guy is a big deal," Bobby piped up, looking up from his book. "There are tons and tons of stories in recent years from different people who have said that an angel appeared to them in times when their babies were in great danger and gave them warning. Called himself Dean. In the lore his real name is Diniel. Why he calls himself Dean, I will never know."

"His name is Diniel, that's why," Castiel hopped off the couch, stumbling a little after his fifth beer. "I'd change my name, too."

Bobby quirked an eyebrow. "You ok, kid? You're hitting it pretty hard for noon."

"I'm peachy...an angel of the Lord pulled my sorry ass outta Hell," he grinned. "Why not celebrate?"

Sam gave him a look. "Yeah...you've been acting weird since you guys got back earlier. Did he say something to you?"

"Don't worry about it, Sammy," Castiel walked over and pulled another beer out of the fridge and shut it a little too hard.

"He did. Come on, Cas, did he tell you why God wanted you out?"

"Shut up, ok? Forget it!"

The glass bottle in his hand shattered. He wasn't even gripping it hard. His hand was dripping blood from his palm where it had cut him but he was too freaked out to care. Bobby and Sam stared open mouthed at him.

"Cas...come on, sit down and just tell us what he said..."

"I'm gonna to take a shower," Cas's voice shook.

"You just had one-"

"Fuck you, Sam," he stormed up the stairs quickly and slammed the bathroom door. Castiel turned on the cold tap and washed his hand. The cut wasn't deep and it didn't hurt. He thought about the night before, meeting the angel Dean and discovering that he may sort of, kind of, be an angel. It made his blood boil to think about his entire existence being a lie. He considered praying to Dean, but shook off the thought to turn on the water in the shower, making the room disappear in steam.

* * *

It had been two weeks and still he refused to tell Bobby and Sam the truth. His true nature seemed to begin to settle in and he decided he ought to figure out what being an angel meant, but not before ten a.m. the next day. He was trying to fall asleep when he heard a whoosh of wings in the kitchen. Looking up from his pallet on the floor, he saw Dean leaning back against the kitchen sink.

Castiel hesitated, but finally stood up, the hem of his sleep pants bunching around his toes.

"It's creepy to watch people sleep," Castiel said softly so he wouldn't wake Sam, who was asleep on the couch, and Bobby, who was taking a cat nap at his desk.

"I wasn't," Dean said simply. "How are you, Castiel?"

"Fanfuckingtastic, Dean. I find out God and angels are real, find out I'm an angel, and blow up a beer bottle without even trying all after rotting in Hell for four months..."

Dean tilted his head slightly. "That was sarcasm."

"You're a bright one," Castiel snapped back. "So, you're the baby angel, then? Watch over the sweet innocents while they sleep?"

Dean gave him a soft smile. "It is my created job, yes. You have done your research."

"Not enough. I don't know who I am."

Dean looked as if he wanted to speak volumes, but he simply shut his mouth and nodded.

"You're not gonna tell me shit, are you?" Castiel leaned against the counter next to Dean, who stared at the floor.

"It's part of the process, Castiel. It's slow and it's painful. Once you come further into your powers, I can give you more information. Putting too much on you at once would be catastrophic."

Castiel shook his head. "What can you tell me, then? I'm going crazy here."

Dean sighed and looked up at Castiel. Angels seemed emotionless robots to Castiel the more he read about them and thought about Dean, but the look in his eyes...it was borderline sad and longing.

"You were a good angel. You did what you thought was right."

Then he was gone. Castiel stared at the spot where Dean stood before, feeling a slight ache in his heart. He felt like the angel wanted so terribly to tell him everything, but knew it would be disobedience and Dean would fall, too. Castiel leaned back against the sink and ran his hands through his hair. He just wanted to know.

* * *

Sam and Castiel sat in a motel room not far out of Shreveport. They had stayed busy at Castiel's insistence. The less time he had to think, the better. It had been two months and Dean had come to him several times, little pieces of information leaking out occasionally. Castiel began to notice things about himself that he hadn't before, like his ability to move very large objects. The first time he did it, he had been trapped behind a chest of drawers while a poltergeist beat the shit out of Sam. He pushed forward and the thing flew into the opposite wall and shattered into pieces. At first he thought it was the poltergeist, but Sam had destroyed it just before. It seemed that the more Dean visited him, the more weird shit he could do.

Sam nursed a dislocated shoulder while he waited on Castiel to clean the blood off his hands.

"Ok, get ready," Castiel said. He placed a hand on Sam then heard a crack. Sam cried out for a moment, but then...

"Cas...you didn't even do anything and it's fixed."

"I touched it," he furrowed his brow and looked down at his hands. Sam thought then pulled up his pants leg to reveal a large gash on his leg.

"Here, try it on this."

"Sam, maybe I just put pressure on it or something-"

"Just do it, Cas," he insisted. Castiel sighed and placed a hand over the gash. The skin seemed to slide together before their eyes and when his hand pulled back, there was no gash, only left over blood. The two men stared at it for what seemed like hours before Castiel stood back.

"Dean, get down here A-SAP," he said into nothing.

"Dude, what are you-"

Dean appeared directly behind Sam, causing the tall man to stumble back. It was the first time Dean had appeared to him with someone else in the room.

"Hello, Castiel. Sam Winchester," he nodded to Sam. Sam slowly put out a hand for him.

"It's an honor. I can't believe angels really exist."

Dean studied the hand momentarily before taking it in his and shaking it firmly, not responding.

"Dean, why am I suddenly Dr. Quinn?" he held his hands up furiously, breaking the cordial air around Sam and Dean.

"You're not, you're Castiel," he looked at the man, confused.

Castiel slid his eyes closed and breathed deeply. "I just healed Sam. With my hands!"

Dean looked a little worried. He never seemed to care before when Castiel told he me was doing weird shit, but Castiel saw a change in his facial features that indicated that something was about to happen.

"What is it, Dean?" Castiel finally asked.

Dean slid his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small notebook. It was very, very old. It's pages weren't even made of paper. It looked like it was leather bound with papyrus. Castiel took the book when Dean handed it to him and studied it carefully.

"Castiel, you seem to have return of many of your powers. The more you talk about your time as an angel, the more it comes back. That book...it was yours. There are things in it that will grant you passage to the time when you were in Heaven. I will explain everything else when I can. I'm needed in Heaven. Please...read it."

Castiel looked down at the ancient book as Dean flew away. Sam let out a breath.

"What...the hell?"

Castiel opened the front of the small book and saw writing. It was obviously not a pen...maybe a quill? The words on the page were in a strange language, but Castiel read it aloud.

_'No words'_

Sam furrowed his brow. "You can read that?"

"Yeah...what do you think that means?"

Sam shrugged and Castiel sat down at the small table and opened the first page.

"Looks like it's just little notes. No date on any of these pages," he thumbed through it. "Looks like my journal."

"Are you gonna read it or not?" Sam sat down on the bed facing him.

"Dude, my private journal I didn't know about, not yours," he held it closer to him. He read the first page and felt like he was reading someone else's story.

"I don't remember this..._'I walked along the river today. I saw a small fish crawl up onto the bank. My big brother told me 'Do not step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish'. Father's plan was to remove its feet. Poor fish.'_" I must have been a child. The handwriting is kind of terrible."

"I still can't believe you can read that. Also can't believe you took up a whole page for a fish."

"Dude, I was a kid...do they have angel kids?" Castiel asked almost to himself.

"Just skip ahead a little bit," Sam shook his head and Castiel flipped a few pages over and saw a name he recognized.

"Elias?" he questioned. Sam looked at him closely.

"Do you know him?"

"The name...when I was five, I had an imaginary friend...I called him Elias because I got the name in my head one day. I had never heard it before. Thought it was fake or something...'_Elias and I watched the Earth today. A storm was on the ocean. I have never seen a real storm before. Maybe one day I can see one.'_ "

The next few pages were similar- yearning to venture down to Earth, training notes...then-

"_'I do not know what is going on,'_" Castiel read, "_'An odd feeling has come over me. Today I was introduced to Diniel. He will be my comrade in battle. He is strange.'_ Got that right, he's strange."

"So, you were war buddies? Why didn't Dean tell you that?"

"Who knows. And this 'odd feeling'? It's like I'm trying to break a code or something," Castiel read it a couple more times, but it didn't change. He felt his own odd feeling. One that he had experienced more than once at the mention of Dean. The connected feeling. He read a little further- Babel, Moses, Egypt- then he froze, staring at the page.

"Cas?"

He slammed the book closed and stood up, covering his mouth with his hand.

"Cas? What is it, what'd it say?"

Castiel fought the urge to hit something. "I'm gonna go for a walk, ok? Don't wait up."

Castiel shoved the book in his jacket pocket and barreled out the door. He practically ran around the corner of the motel and dropped back against the wall, slamming his fist back and cracking the concrete.

"Dean...you can't just give me this damn book and run off...come back..."

Nothing. Ten minutes, then twenty...

"Dean! I swear to God, get your ass down here," he growled, hot tears in his eyes starting to roll down his face.

Nothing.

He slid down the wall and buried his head in his hands. The words on the page were burned into his memory forever.

_'I kissed Diniel today. Why, I do not know. He kissed me back. I felt another odd feeling. Is this what love feels like?'_


	4. Thunderstruck

**Wow, right?**

**Yeah, onward!**

* * *

Castiel didn't talk about the book again, though Sam asked several times. They went for a hunt in New Mexico that lasted almost two weeks and the whole time, Castiel seemed out of it. After finally burning the bones of an angry spirit's ghost, they entered the motel to find Dean sitting on the bed, waiting for them.

Castiel's blood boiled. Dean's eyes looked sorrowful, but he gave him a soft smile.

"Hey, Castiel," he said softly.

"Hey? I prayed to you every night for the past two weeks and I get hey?!" The table next to him flipped, knocking the lamp off the bedside table.

"Woah, woah, Cas, calm down," Sam begged from a safe distance behind him. "Look, I'll give you two some time to talk. Don't destroy the room, ok?"

Sam opened the door and threw Dean a look that said 'good luck' before walking out. The air around them was tense.

"Castiel-"

"Shut up...you knew what that book said and you still left me with it...then you didn't even answer me when I called...what the fuck, Dean!?"

"Let me explain," he stood, his face suddenly becoming serious and defensive. Castiel felt the pull again and let out a deep breath.

"Explain then," he stepped forward. "What were we? Friends? War buddies?"

Dean's eyes fell closed and he stared down at the little book Castiel had pulled from his jacket.

"Lovers..."

Castiel's stomach twisted harshly. He dropped the book on the ground and punched Dean square in the jaw, sending him across the room over the opposite bed.

Dean stumbled to his feet, spitting blood out of his mouth. "Castiel...I'm sorry-"

"Sorry!? For forgetting to mention that I was fucking gay for you!?"

"It wasn't something I could tell you. Me giving you that book is grounds for being cast out. You weren't supposed to know, but...it didn't feel right to me not having you know everything about yourself. "

Castiel shook with rage. He started to feel a little dizzy all of a sudden, but he shook it off and chalked it up to adrenaline.

"I was supposed to come and fill you in on what the higher order wanted you to know."

"So God didn't want me to know I was gay?"

"No. God isn't giving the orders any more. That's why I have been in Heaven. Something is terribly wrong up there and I've discovered that the last order received from God was to raise you. Since then, it's been chaos."

Castiel didn't feel bad for him. Couldn't at the moment. The dizzying feeling intensified and Castiel stumbled a little.

"Castiel," Dean stepped forward, but Castiel stumbled back, fending him off. He fell back against the wall by the door.

"Castiel...just rest," Dean put a hand to his forehead and the world went black.

* * *

Castiel woke up on the bed, Dean sitting at the couch on the opposite end of the room with Sam on the bed.

"When is he going to wake up?" Sam asked, sounding concerned.

"He went through a lot...his mind overloaded. I knew I shouldn't have, but-"

"It's ok, Dean. He's just upset right now. Cas can kind of be..."

"Short-tempered," Dean finished Sam's sentence, a small smile working at his lips. Castiel didn't move, cracking his eyes open a little more to see what else would be said.

"You knew him pretty well, then?"

Dean nodded. "More than anyone but our Father. I was lost after he fell."

Sam adjusted in his cross-legged position on the bed. "Why did he fall, Dean?"

Castiel watched Dean's body tense beneath the green army jacket he wore. "Because he was foolish."

Castiel furrowed his brow, waiting for more of an explanation than foolishness. He got it.

"Let's just say that as an angel, Castiel was always different. He didn't want to be in Heaven. He wanted to discover everything there was to discover and he wanted me to be with him when he did it. I was...skeptical. Our place was in Heaven and that's just the way it was. Castiel saw humans very differently than other angels did. They weren't flawed to him. They were perfectly imperfect and that's what he wanted to be. The last time I saw Castiel...before the centries took him away... he said 'I know where I'm going...I'm going home'. I hated him so much for saying something so blasphemous but at the same time, he never really called Heaven home. It wasn't where he belonged..."

Castiel opened his eyes completely and stared at Dean. Seeing the angel visibly upset...it hurt him. Angel Castiel was his lover. He had lost his true love like a human would if their loved one had died. Castiel didn't know how to feel about being an angel's lover- let alone a male angel (or was Dean a female...did angels have genders?)- but he knew how it felt to lose someone he loved.

"Why does God want him back, then, if he disobeyed?" Sam asked the million dollar question. In all the times Dean came to Castiel, Castiel never actually got a good answer. 'God's will' or something like that was all he got.

"There's a war coming," Dean said darkly. "A war to end all wars...Castiel was the most skilled captain of our garrison. Never lost, not once. God needs Castiel to save humanity."

Castiel sat up slowly, causing Dean and Sam to look over.

"Cas, you ok?" Sam turned around and started toward him.

"Any more secrets, Dean?" he asked numbly. "First, I'm an angel, then I'm your boyfriend, and now I have to save the world? What more could there possibly be?"

Dean stood up and walked over, sitting down at a safe distance from Castiel on his bed. "I threw too much at you tonight. I was going to wait until you had time to process."

Castiel studied Dean's face. He looked...tired. Battle-worn. His face was still flawless, however. Clean-shaven and full of sorrow and concern.

Castiel sighed and drew his knees up and propping his elbows up to rest his head in his hands. "This is too much."

Dean moved toward him very slowly then placed a hand on Castiel's arm, making him jump.

"I just want to try something," Dean said gently. He waited for Castiel to relax a little before he took the man's arm down from where it rested up on his knees and gripped his forearm, their wrists touching. Castiel felt a jolt in his body. It felt like his insides were in a warm bath. Relaxation fell over Castiel and it seemed to be doing the same to Dean. Dean gently let go, causing Castiel to do the same.

"Better?" Dean asked, his voice sounding less strained than before.

"Yeah...wait, was that angel sex, cuz Sam is right there," he asked, not breaking contact with Dean's eyes. He physically couldn't. The pull in his gut was stronger than ever.

Dean let out a soft laugh. "Um, no...I'll wait until you are less...overloaded to talk about that. You are ok, though?"

Castiel nodded. Stop staring at his eyes, goddamnit, he scolded himself. What did Dean do to him?

Dean stood up. "I have to get back. Since you fell, I've been in command of the garrison. They need me right now."

Castiel nodded and finally looked away from Dean's eyes. For some reason, it kind of hurt.

"I'll be in touch," Dean said to both of them. Castiel looked up at him before he disappeared into thin air, seeing a soft smile on the angel's face.

* * *

Castiel lay on his back in a bright green field, warm sun and the smell of flowers and fresh rain clouds filling the air.

'Castiel,' he heard his name called. It was a beautiful voice, deep and booming. Next thing he knew he heard the same voice call his name again, this time frantic and his body was being yanked back away from the voice.

_A hand rested on his cheek._

_A large tower was pulled to the ground._

_'No words', a voice boomed. He realized it was his own._

Castiel sat straight up in the bed, sweat pouring down his face. The room was dark around him and he finally deduced that he had been dreaming.

"Memories," he heard Dean's voice next to him at the table by the window. He was sitting with his elbows propped up on his knees, looking tired.

"I told you it was creepy to watch people sleep," Castiel grumbled a little.

"I was concerned. I had to make sure you were ok after this evening."

Castiel nodded and rubbed his bare neck and shoulder. "Yeah, whatever you did with our arms worked wonders... you gonna fill me in on that?"

"Not yet...you aren't ready. I have already done too much. I shouldn't have even taken this mission, I realize that now."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "I get why you did."

Dean tilted his head a little. "Why did I?"

Castiel leaned back against the headboard. "My mom and dad were murdered by demons. I loved them more than anything in the world. John Winchester was killed by a demon. He saved my life. If I had the opportunity to go and save them to bring them back, I would do it in a heartbeat."

Dean nodded. "I suppose you're right."

They sat in silence for a moment before Castiel started to feel tired again.

"I'm gonna go back to sleep...are you gonna stay or..."

"Um, no...it's creepy, remember?" he chuckled nervously and gathered his jackets.

"Dean...stay," Castiel spoke before he thought. Dean opened his mouth to protest but Castiel pulled the cover back on the empty side of the bed. "Just stay on your side, ok?"

"Angels don't sleep," Dean said to him as he kicked off his shoes slowly.

"At least you'll be more comfortable then, creeper," Castiel joked and turned onto his back as Dean lay on his, still in his jeans, t-shirt and jeans.

"That's not your real body, is it?" Castiel asked after a moment. Dean had assumed he had begun falling asleep.

"No."

Castiel looked over at him, brow furrowed. "You're possessing a guy?"

"Angels aren't like demons. We have to have consent to possess a human. I came to this man-a mechanic from Lawrence, Kansas. He's a good man- no children or wife so I didn't take him from anyone."

Castiel let out a laugh. "That guy doesn't look like a mechanic."

"In his day to day, he dressed more like you," Dean smirked and looked over at him. Castiel's jaw dropped a little.

"Did the angel just make a joke?"

Dean laughed and smiled with his eyes for the first time since Castiel had seen him. His heart did a weird jump at the sight. Dean looked over at him.

"Is something wrong? Was that joke inappropriate?"

Castiel laughed and shook his head. "No. That's just the first time I've seen you really smile...I don't know why but I like it."

Dean swallowed hard and nodded. "I like yours as well. You don't smile much around me."

"But you, the creeper, have seen me smile when I didn't know you are watching?" Castiel said good-heartedly.

Dean looked guilty. "Yes."

Castiel nodded. "Like I said...I get it."

* * *

Sam was no idiot. He had heard Castiel make the statement the night before that when he was an angel, he was Dean's 'boyfriend'. Then he heard them talking in what they thought were quiet voices the night before.

Sam can now understand the overload Castiel faced. Finding out that you're a celestial being probably didn't go well with lover and world avenger tucked underneath it. Talking to Dean when Castiel was asleep made Sam realize that there was someone else out there for Castiel, who literally had no one but Sam. Castiel had a whole lifetime before Sam was even born that he didn't know about.

It made him wonder what would happen to Castiel once he finally remembered who he was.

Sam sat with his laptop open on the bed, researching the tulpa they had been hunting in town. Dean had left an hour ago and Castiel was still asleep. He said goodbye to Sam with a smile. Sam liked Dean. He made him think about Jess. If he was in Dean's situation, he would do the same thing.

A loud thud made him jump and he looked up to see Dean lying on the floor, struggling to get up.

"Dean!?" He hopped up off the bed and Castiel woke abruptly.

Dean was covered in blood. His forehead was bleeding profusely.

"Dean, what happened?" Sam knelt down and Castiel joined him, both trying to help the angel off the floor.

"They know," he grunted, holding his side. A dim light shined through the cut in his stomach.

"What-"

"Castiel," he reached for his arm and Castiel gripped it quickly, joining their wrists again. The warm feeling spread through him again, but this time, he felt a sharp pain in his stomach.

The slice in Dean's gut receded, the light disappearing behind mended skin. Dean let him go and slumped to the floor, out cold.

Castiel leaned back against the bed, holding his stomach and staring at Dean.

"What do you think he meant?"

"He wasn't supposed to tell me...about us," Castiel sat up straighter and sighed as the pain in his stomach slowly disappeared. "I guess whoever is calling the shots up there found out and they're pissed."

"I thought God wanted you back."

"He did...but God isn't in control anymore. Something's wrong up there, Sam, and we're in it."

* * *

Dean finally woke up a while later. Sam went out to interview witness for the case while Castiel stayed behind. He could have gone and Dean would have been fine, but he couldn't. This was his fault.

"Hey, Dean. You ok?" he asked as the angel slowly sat up.

"Yes...thank you."

Castiel nodded. "That time it hurt."

"I was weakened in the fight. I just needed a little extra help."

"What happened, Dean? How did they find out?"

Dean held up a finger indicating for him to wait, then took out a long blade, almost the size of a short sword, and sliced into his hand. He cringed, but dipped his finger into the cut and walked over to the window on shaky legs. He drew a large sigil on the window in his blood then slowly sat on the edge of the bed. He still looked a little weak.

"Another angel has been put on the job of watching me. He reported to the higher powers and they tried to kill me. I just barely got away."

"What's that?" Castiel nodded toward the bloody window.

"A warding sigil. It'll keep us hidden from the angels," he rubbed his temple and rested his head on his hand.

"Do you need my arm again?" Castiel asked, hoping it wouldn't hurt so bad this time.

Dean shook his head. "It'll weaken you. I don't want you to be compromised in case they somehow find you."

Castiel couldn't fight a small smile. "You really care about me, don't you?"

Dean looked tiredly up at Castiel. "No words."

Castiel furrowed his brow at him. "What does that mean, anyway? I remembered it the other night in my sleep. It was in the front of my journal, too."

Dean shook his head. "I told you, you aren't ready for-"

"Come on, Dean...no more secrets. They've already got us on the radar and you've already told me I'm some kind of holy secret weapon slash gay angel. What more could there be that would surprise me?"

Dean looked at Castiel for a long moment, then sighed. "Castiel...this is something I don't want to have to tell you...I want you to remember it for yourself. It's...precious. And if you never do...then I suppose it wasn't meant to be."

Castiel finally nodded. He was pretty curious by this point, but Dean was passionate about keeping this secret. "You still look exhausted. Could you sleep if you tried?"

"I'm not sure," Dean answered weakly. Castiel kicked off his boots and sat down on the bed.

"Let me try something. Lay down," he instructed the angel, who lay back down in the spot he had just gotten up from. Castiel shook his head.

"On your stomach. Take your jacket off, too." he prodded Dean in the arm. Dean looked at him, confused, before doing what Castiel asked him to do. Castiel sat beside him and gripped his shoulders, rubbing them deeply. Dean let out a soft, contented sound.

"What are you doing?"

Castiel dug a little deeper with his thumbs. "It's called a massage. Humans can't just heal their pain, so they get massages to make their muscles stop hurting. Is this ok?"

Dean mumbled an affirmative, making Castiel laugh a little. He worked Dean's shoulders then moved down his shoulder blades to his middle back. Dean was slowly relaxing beneath his touch and seemed to be dozing off to sleep. Castiel had decided he would stop mid-back, but watching Dean relax distracted him and he worked his thumbs into the dip of his lower back. Dean squirmed a little beneath him and sighed. Castiel swallowed hard.

A moment flashed in his mind of a hand on his own back, gripping tightly and the same contented sound Dean had made before echoed in his ear. He shook his head and fought off the feeling of warmth in his stomach. He pulled his hands away from Dean's back and got off the bed, taking a deep breath and frowning at the slight erection pressing against his zipper. Did they really have sex? He didn't know what was real and what was fantasy in his dreams anymore. There were flashes of things when he would close his eyes or have a free moment for his mind to roam off that would seem so real to him as if he were reliving a moment in time. It was much like the memories of his mother and father. That was why he assumed they were memories- because they were moments he knew he had lived.

Castiel turned around and walked back over to the bed, taking up residence in the empty spot next to Dean. "Man, I wish you could just tell me everything. It's weird...since I heard your name I've had this weird pulling feeling... like I'm being pulled to you. At first I didn't want to remember, but...God, I can't believe I'm saying this...but now I want to remember for you. I don't wanna go back to Heaven, but I want to be what I was to you. I don't know if I can just yet...but maybe someday."

Dean lay still on the bed and Castiel let his eyes fall closed, facing Dean as he fell asleep. Dean wasn't asleep. He could feel an ache in his chest at Castiel's words.

* * *

**aww**


	5. Destiel FTW

**Getting readers, but you guys are quiet. Geez, I'm a fun person to talk to... A review will make me smile like Cas when he gets to wear his coat...**

**now see, if you read on, you will know what I mean :)**

**So yes, the trench coat makes an appearance...as does the Impala... yay.**

**Also, a fair warning...there is male-on-male heavyweight nookie in this chapter. For those with sensitive eyes or for those who are raging homophobes, you may as well go on back home. This story is about to pick up with the Destiel :).**

* * *

Hiding an angel was hard.

Sam and Castiel had decided it would be best for Dean to not return to Heaven with the world's largest target on his back. Dean protested as much as he could, but the two friends insisted. They were interesting company. Dean didn't have what one would call 'friends'. The only true friend he had ever known was Castiel and now he had him and Sam. Heaven hated him now and would surely be looking for the three, but Castiel seemed to have the 'give 'em hell' attitude, as Sam called it, to make sure nothing would come of their search.

Castiel, still true to his belief that watching someone sleep was creepy, always got Dean a room next to theirs when they went on a hunt. Dean proved to be quite useful when it came to hunting. Smiting seemed to pretty much trump everything except ghosts and ancient relics.

More memories began to fill Castiel's dreams- mostly little things like battles and little conversations like those written in his journal. Then, the memories started to actually stick.

"Dean, do you remember Laylah?"

Dean looked up quickly. "Laylah?"

"Yeah, the light-keeper...she told us once that she helped control the lifespan of the stars. Then she wormholed that galaxy."

Dean stared, slack-jawed, as did Sam.

"Oh, shit, I just remembered that...Like, really remembered." Castiel was a little shocked.

"Anything else?" Sam asked, "besides angels blowing up stars?"

Castiel fixed his brain, but shook his head. "No, that's it...I thought it was funny, though."

"You did," Dean nodded and smiled. "You asked her if you could see the stars from Earth."

"And she looked at me like I was an idiot," Castiel smiled and nodded. "I was still young."

"What is young for an angel?" Sam mused.

"We are still considered young," Dean shrugged and polished the knife Sam had showed him how to handle. "I am 5,389."

Sam stared at him like he had two heads. "Oh yeah...young..."

"Castiel is 5,678," Dean pointed out, making Castiel look up.

"5,675," he corrected. "Fuck, how do I know that!?"

"What's going to happen when he remembers everything, Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean glanced between them. "Well, according to orders, he is supposed to return to Heaven and seek revelation. From there, whatever God orders, he must do."

Castiel furrowed his brow. "So, I'm supposed to run off to Heaven and become a puppet? What if I say no?"

Dean seemed to be a little put off. His eyes said he had fought this battle with Castiel before, however. "Castiel, this is what is supposed to happen. Saying no is not an option."

"You said yourself God's MIA. How can he give orders when he's not there?"

Dean was starting to become angry now, Sam could tell. "It was his will. He will give his orders and you will follow."

Castiel slowly stood up. "No."

Dean stood as well and Sam backed away, knowing something usually started flying when they were angry and there were knives on the table.

"You are still an angel, Castiel. You were created for this."

"I've been a human for almost thirty years, Dean. I don't have to do shit. If I was so important, why did God throw me out in the first place!? You always say it doesn't matter or I cared too much or I was foolish, but why did he really do it!?"

"He didn't, that's why!"

Castiel looked confused, as did Sam.

"He didn't cast you out...He casted me out...you fought for me...said horrible things, blasphemous things to get them to send you away just so they would take you instead of me.' You belong in Heaven,' you said to me...'and I belong on Earth'. You knew I would have remembered one day and would have killed myself for letting myself fall...so you left me so I wouldn't have to..."

Dean still looked angry but Castiel was at a loss. He did that for someone. He damned himself to mortality so his lover wouldn't have to face a world he didn't want.

"I'm gonna go stay in Dean's room...you guys need to talk," Sam said seriously.

Once the door closed, Dean and Castiel shared several moments of silence before Dean finally broke it.

"I disobeyed an order. A direct-from-God order that almost cost the lives of 20,000 angels and most of the planet Earth. If it hadn't been caught, we wouldn't be here today. When you found out, you went straight to the higher order, claiming you had given me a false order and to spare my sentence...you were so powerful they refused until you began to blaspheme...then they had no choice. God spared me in your place because he knew I cared for you."

Castiel sat down on the edge of the bed and stared down at the floor.

"I have said, Castiel, you were a good angel. A good leader and soldier...but you were foolish. Your heart was always a problem with everyone...everyone but me," Dean swallowed hard and a single tear fell from his eye. Angels didn't cry, Castiel remembered. Not without great suffering. Castiel looked up at Dean and stood slowly.

"What are you doing?" Dean looked at him curiously. Castiel walked over and cautiously wiped the tear from Dean's cheek with his thumb. His hand didn't move from where it rested on Dean's cheek.

"I'm so sorry," Castiel said just loud enough for Dean to hear before his own tears began to fall. A wave of emotion swept over him and he pulled Dean toward him, capturing his lips with a gentle pressure.

It was unexpected, even to Castiel, but the warmth he felt when they joined wrists pulsed through him from where their lips joined. Dean sighed against his skin and placed a hand on Castiel's bicep, holding him tightly as if he didn't want him to go. Castiel brought his other hand up to cup Dean's face and run his fingers through his short brown hair. It was strange feeling hair so short when he was kissing someone, but the feeling he got from it made that feeling secondary.

Finally, after several moments, Castiel pulled back a little, looking into Dean's bright green eyes. Castiel's cheeks were wet with tears and Dean couldn't help but return the favor by brushing them off with his thumbs.

"You remembered?" Dean asked, his voice shaky and gruff.

Castiel shook his head. "I just...I could never imagine doing that for someone...but I did it for you. You must have meant so much to me."

"No words," Dean whispered and another tear fell from his eyes. Castiel wanted to ask again the meaning of this repeated phrase, but he didn't. He had asked enough and Dean wanted him to remember for himself. Instead, he took Dean's hand and pulled him over to the bed, laying them both down, and kissed him again. It was like breathing, the way they kissed. Dean placed a hand at the small of Castiel's back and the memory from the massage returned. It was Dean's hand he had felt on his back. They had done this before.

Castiel rolled over on top of Dean, pinning him with his body and bracing himself with his elbow. Dean was still wearing clothes and Castiel wanted to feel him. He sat up quickly, pulling Dean along with him and he worked the t-shirt off Dean's torso.

Dean didn't seem hesitant like Castiel thought he would. After they got the t-shirt off, Dean began tugging at the hem of Castiel's t-shirt, making him smile.

"You've done this before, I assume?" Castiel pulled his shirt off and gasped as Dean's large, calloused hands ran up his torso.

"Yes...with you."

Castiel's heart leapt a little bit. "Well, then, I guess I have nothing to worry about." Castiel reached down and began to unbutton Dean's jeans while Dean ran his hands slowly up Castiel's muscled back.

"You're distracting me," Castiel joked.

"I've never distracted you before. You humans have short attention spans," Dean jabbed back. Castiel leaned down and nipped at Dean's lip and the angel groaned for the first time. It was a beautiful, deep sound that he felt in Dean's chest.

"What does your real body look like?" Castiel asked as he gently explored the body with his fingertips, dipping into grooves formed by muscle on bone.

"Roughly the size of the Chrysler building," Dean shivered under him. "Pale...slightly muscular...Castiel, please..."

"You have a short attention span," Castiel winked and leaned down, their chests meeting in warmth and skin. Both sighed into each other's mouths and Castiel instinctively rolled his hips. Dean groaned and gripped Castiel's hip, keeping him there.

"Shit, that's hot," Castiel growled and flipped them, letting Dean rest on his lap and taking in the way his muscles moved beneath his skin. The angel looked- dare he say it- sinful with his jeans unbuttoned, a light trail of hair leading down to the zipper.

"I have another question," Castiel bit back a groan as Dean shifted on his lap.

"You are full of questions," Dean leaned forward, bracing himself on his arms above Castiel.

"Do angels have gender? Like...does your real body have a dick?"

Dean quirked an eyebrow. "Dick?"

"Penis..." Castiel clarified, feeling the word on his tongue and hating the way it sounded in his current situation.

Dean let out a small laugh. "Yes, we have gender and yes, I have a penis," he leaned his body forward a little to kiss Castiel, creating an incredible friction that completely made Castiel forget about the awkwardness of the word penis.

After too much of simply making out, Castiel's hands moved from Dean's back to the swell of his ass, gripping it gently. Dean moaned and reached down to unbutton Castiel's jeans.

"Just a second," Castiel sat up slowly, Dean still in his lap. "I'm loving every second of this...I just want you to know that since I've been human...I've only ever been with women. I'm not really sure how to do this with a guy."

Dean nodded. "I know. If you'd like, you could take me."

Castiel's cock throbbed at the way that sounded coming out of the angel's mouth. "That sounds fair."

Dean gave him a smile that made Castiel forget that Dean was an angel. One that was full of some long-hidden emotion that was just utterly human. Dean leaned down and kissed him again, softly and calmly as he unbuttoned Castiel's jeans and worked the zipper down. Castiel lay back on the bed and closed his eyes, feeling a little nervous about Dean seeing him naked. He had a great body, but the thought of a man seeing him so intimately was enough to make him nervous.

"Relax, Castiel...you are beautiful."

Castiel felt his jeans and boxers being pulled down his legs and heat flared up in his cheeks. It was all forgotten when he felt wet warmth around him.

"Fuck," he groaned and reached down instinctively, gripping Dean's short hair as Dean took his cock into his throat. Never had Castiel received a blowjob that was so purposeful as this one. As if Dean were trying to suck the memories right from the depths of his mind.

Dean ran his hand up Castiel's hip and over his chest, catching a nipple on his calloused thumb. Castiel tried to keep his hips still, but when Dean gripped the back of his ass with his free hand and squeezed, he couldn't help himself. Dean didn't seem to notice. He continued to work his mouth over Castiel's cock like an expert.

"Dean, I won't make it if you keep doing that," he grinded out, fighting back to make himself last. Dean let out a soft laugh against him then let go. His lips were red and swollen, emerald eyes slightly watery and dancing a little as if he had finally gotten everything he had ever wanted. Castiel couldn't deny that it made him happy. It must have been the connection they have had since Dean pulled him out of Hell that made him this way...or maybe it was just Dean.

Castiel pulled Dean toward him and lay him back on the bed, his wet cock meeting Dean's clothed hip and causing a small shock wave to crawl up his spine.

"I want you," Castiel mumbled against Dean's lips. Dean nodded and reached down to pull down his own jeans with one hand. Castiel laughed and sat back, helping the angel pull his jeans down. The damn son of a bitch, Castiel thought. No underwear.

"You want to kill me, don't you?" Castiel growled and looked down at the beauty of a man beneath him. Never in his life had he ever thought about another man being beautiful, but Dean was a work of art. Not a scratch or mar on the dark, tan skin covering his body. Castiel chanced a look at Dean's cock, which was long and thick resting on his lower stomach. A hot twitch in his groin told him that he could come to like the look of it.

Dean sat up slowly, pulling Castiel's thoughts away from Dean's privates to look into his eyes. Something was coming back to him. A storm, full of lightning and wind roaring around him. Hot heat in his gut. The feeling of plunging deep into a warmth he couldn't imagine.

Castiel shook his head and blinked a little.

"Are you ok?" Dean asked, looking concerned.

Castiel just stared at him. "Were we...ever in a storm? You know...having sex?'

Dean's eyes grew wide. "What do you remember about it?"

Castiel shook his head. "Not much...just the storm and...an orgasm, I think? It felt really good, I know that."

Dean swallowed hard and smiled softly. "The first time we were ever...intimate...we caused a storm. We were here on Earth, hidden from the world. You took me to a beautiful forest in Tibet..."

Castiel thought harder, trying to remember more- cold rain, stars- it wasn't much, but he smiled.

"I think I told you that you were the most important thing in the world to me..." Castiel said softly.

"That stars could not hold a light like the one in my eyes," Dean nodded. Castiel looked back up at him and smiled.

"Still true," he smiled. His body felt like a furnace, warmed to the point of perspiration at the feeling in his heart. He never knew a feeling like it. Dean gripped the back of his neck and kissed him hard, pulling him down onto the mattress to lie on top of him. The feeling of their skin meeting made them both begin to pant with anticipation. Dean reached down and took two of Castiel's fingers into his mouth, lazily sucking on them to get them wet. Castiel didn't have words. He simply watched Dean with what he was sure was a dumb look on his face.

Dean let them go and Castiel reached down below his balls to gently stroke at Dean's entrance. Dean's breath hitched, eyes going glassy at the thought of what was about to happen.

"I hope this is ok," Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's. Dean nodded and Castiel took that as a sign to shut up and go.

Castiel had never fingered anyone's ass before, but he figured it couldn't be much different that a woman. He slid a finger in ever so gently, melting at the way Dean's eyes rolled back and closed, his lips parting in a silent sigh. He moved slowly at first, not sure if Dean would feel pain or not- because it had to be painful- but the angel began to push back against him. Castiel finally slid in the second finger and began kissing Dean's neck, finally comfortable enough with his movements to multi-task.

"Castiel," Dean moaned softly and gripped Castiel's back.

"Mmm?" Castiel didn't trust himself with words at the moment.

"I'm ready, please," he begged. Castiel gave a final nip to the tender spot beneath Dean's ear before he removed his fingers and steadied his mind. Having never done this before, he had no lube. How do you tell an angel you have no lube for his ass?

"Um, Dean?"

"Come here," Dean smiled, as if he had read Castiel's mind, and Castiel lay back, letting Dean return to lapping at his cock. After a moment, Dean finally sat up, straddling Castiel's lap and taking the man's cock in his hand.

"Don't let me hurt you," Castiel squeezed Dean's thigh.

"You won't," Dean said almost as if he knew for sure. Dean lined himself up and sat slowly down onto Castiel's lap.

The heat was intense, as was the squeezing pressure. Castiel had to bite his lip to keep from surely waking Sam in the room next door. Dean finally settled into Castiel's lap and leaned forward, bracing himself on his arms.

"Castiel?"

"I'm ok...dizzy, but ok," Castiel chuckled breathlessly. "You feel amazing."

"So do you," Dean kissed Castiel's forehead before kissing down his nose to his lips. Castiel gripped Dean's slightly sweaty hip and thrust upward, feeling the rumble in Dean's kiss as he groaned deeply. Castiel gripped Dean tightly around the back and began to thrust in a slightly desperate rhythm. He never wanted this feeling to end- feeling the heat around him and the dampness of Dean's skin against his. It was an addiction he knew he would not get over.

Dean started speaking...in Enochian. Castiel knew what he was saying and it was incredible. What was odd was that Castiel started to speak back in Enochian as well. Another piece of memory from the storm in Tibet came back- Castiel holding Dean close just the way he was now, speaking beautiful words to his beautiful angel. He echoed his own words.

"No words," he spoke just against Dean's ear just before he felt his orgasm hit him like a bus. He gripped Dean's back, nails surely biting into his skin as he pulsed. He felt Dean tense and a wetness covered his stomach as Dean repeated the phrase back like an affirmation. They both stilled, Castiel not letting Dean go for the life of him. A wave of feelings crashed hard over him and he felt tears roll down the side of his face. He didn't want Dean to see. In his mind, the memory played out- the perfect face of Diniel in his hands, smiling like the sun and cast even brighter as the dark storm around them crashed and whistled.

memory

'What was that, Castiel?'

'I said, no words.'

'I know,' Diniel smiled. 'What does that mean?'

end of memory

The memory seemed to fade out from his mind, making him a little angry. He wanted to know what it meant so badly and why he had said it in the heat of such an intimate moment.

"Castiel..." Dean was cupping his face in his hand, eyes shining. He had heard Castiel say these words that had meant so much to him.

Castiel blinked away his tears. "I'm ok..."

Dean pressed his lips together then nodded. "Ok."

Dean lay down next to Castiel, the mess they had made gone in the lapse of time that Castiel was remembering.

"I said it," Castiel blurted out as Dean rested his head on Castiel's shoulder.

"You did," Dean said, sounding a little hopeful.

Castiel wrapped an arm tightly around Dean's back. "You asked me what it meant...when I said it for the first time in that forest."

"I did," Dean repeated, sounding a little less hopeful.

Castiel slid his eyes closed, begging it to come back to him, but nothing did. He could only remember this time now. It was a good memory.

"I'm trying, Dean. I promise I'm trying to remember."

Dean reached up and rested his hand over Castiel's on his stomach. "I know."

They simply lay there for a moment. Then Castiel said, "Dean...I don't want to go back to Heaven. I want to be here. This is-"

"Where you belong," Dean finished his sentence. "You haven't changed."

"Does that upset you? That I want to stay?"

He felt Dean sigh. "No. The truth is...I don't want to go back either. I thought I wanted to go home, but being here...being with you and Sam and seeing humans for what they really are...Heaven just seems so flawed in comparison. There's so much control there, but here...is this what disobedience feels like?"

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "You want to make your own choices. That just sounds like living to me."

Dean nodded. "Then I want to live."

A flash of light caused Castiel to look up at the window. The trees outside were bending in the wind as lightning flashed in the distance.

"Dean...was it supposed to storm tonight?"

He could hear the smile in Dean's voice. "No."

Castiel didn't know he had fallen asleep until he woke up with the sun peaking through the blinds. It was still rather early in the morning and his body ached a little bit, refusing to let him get up. The other factor in this battle was the warm body resting against him, resting its head on his shoulder and wrapping its leg around his. Dean lay next to him all night, awake with his thoughts.

"Dean?" Castiel said groggily. Dean picked up his head and smiled at him.

"Good morning. I was going to get up, but-"

"I would have punched you if you had," Castiel joked and pulled him closer. They lay there for a moment in warmth before there was a knock at the door.

"Dean, Cas, you in there?"

Sam's voice sounded a little frantic. He remembered that he hadn't come back to his room the night before. Sam must have been freaked when he noticed he was gone.

"Um, yeah...hold on!" he called back. "We should get dressed."

Dean looked a little disappointed but they got up and threw their clothes on quickly. Castiel opened the door while Dean went over and sat at the table, trying to look innocent. It made Castiel laugh a little knowing what Dean and he had done the night before.

"What have you two been up to all night?" Sam burst through the door. "Bobby called. Cas, Lillith is back."

Castiel's blood stilled. Lillith. That demon bitch.

"What is she up to?"

"The end," Dean spoke up, having stood up at the sound of the demon's name. "This is what God needed you for, Castiel. Lillith is going to start the Apocalypse.

Sam and Castiel's eyes grew. "The Biblical Apocalypse?" Sam asked.

"Plague and locusts and raining blood?" Cas reiterated. Dean nodded.

"How?" Sam asked.

"That is what we were working on when the angels discovered what I had been doing. By now they already know. I wish I could tell you."

Castiel sat down at the table and ran his hand through his hair. "Ok. So, Lillith is going to jump start Judgement Day. All we have to do is kill her before she can."

"Kill Lillith?" Dean asked with a rather amused grin. "Castiel, she's Lucifer's first...she's one of the most powerful demons there is."

"More powerful than an angel?" Castiel asked, looking at him pointedly.

"Yes," Dean nodded. Castiel sighed and leaned back in his chair. A thought occurred to him.

"What about two angels?"

Dean furrowed his brow. "You mean..."

"You were supposed to 'reassimilate' me or whatever...so, you could train me up and we can kill the bitch."

Dean didn't seem to like the idea. "Maybe, but-"

"Dean, I'll be fine. I know most of what happened to me, my memories are coming back. I have powers. If I can learn to control them-"

"I just don't know about killing Lillith."

"Why not?" Sam asked. "She killed Cas and she's the key to the Apocalypse. We could end this."

Dean shook his head and sighed. "Just...a feeling, I suppose. Castiel, you do need training, but let's just keep the idea quiet for a while. Maybe we will learn more and maybe we can do something about it. Without God's true orders, we don't really have anything to go on."

Castiel and Sam exchanged looks and Sam finally nodded. "Ok. So...what were you guys doing all night?"

Castiel and Dean glanced at each other, a slight blush creeping up Castiel's neck.

"Discussing Castiel's memories. They were becoming more vivid," Dean chanced a sneaky smirk at Castiel, who sneaked a wink at him.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "O...k, well we better get going. Found a job over in South Dakota not far from Bobby's. Demonic omens."

Castiel and Dean nodded and Sam went to leave, but stopped.

"Hey, did you guys notice that freak storm last night? Totally came out of nowhere. News said it wasn't even being tracked..."

"Yeah, weird," Castiel said quickly before stepping past Sam and heading toward the truck with this bag. Dean just looked at Sam with a smile and shrugged.

They got to Bobby's and, for the first time since the old barn in Nevada, Bobby saw Dean.

"I apologize for putting you to sleep...you were going to hit me with a crowbar," Dean said politely and shook Bobby's hand. They filled Bobby in on all that had come to light with Castiel's memories and set to work on trying to track down what was going on in Rock Rapids, South Dakota.

"From what I figure," Bobby said, taking out his police reports and map, "there's some kind of gathering around this area. They're ganging up for something."

"You said there were witnesses?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, two teenage girls were having a sleepover and one of them said their dad came in the room, eyes black, and started trying to attack them. The dad don't remember it. Says he was asleep when it happened. There's about six other cases just like it around town. Best lead is a little girl named Claire. Her dad came in and started wailing on her. Got her pretty good. She don't remember much, but she said the demon said a name. Lillith. Said she was chosen and to be ready."

The other three exchanged looks. "Well," Cas said, "guess we get to do some undercover work on this one."

They got their suits out of their truck and went to change. Sam came out first in his simple suit and sat on the couch with Dean.

"Cas loves this part of the job. Only time he gets to wear his coat."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Coat?"

Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. "You'll see."

Castiel finally came down, face shaved clean and dressed in a black suit with a blue tie and a brown trench coat. Dean's lips parted and a dazed look came over his face.

"Cas, you know no detective wears a brown trench coat anymore," Sam rolled his eyes like he did every time. He hated the thing.

Castiel rolled his shoulders back. "Fuck you, this thing is amazing. I feel like Sherlock Holmes."

Bobby grumbled. "Ok, ok, come on and get your badge, Hotshot."

Castiel paused a moment and noticed Dean watching him. He smirked and threw a wink at him before going over to Bobby. Castiel hadn't stopped thinking about Dean the whole ride to Bobby's. Lillith was a big deal, but the thought of Dean's eyes rolling back in his head while Castiel fingered him had been at the forefront, leading to some almost embarrassing situations when they had to get out for gas.

"And you aren't taking that clunker out there to interview witnesses," Bobby's voice broke through. "I got a little something you can take that I've been working on for you."

They all followed Bobby out to his shop, where a tarp was covering what looked like a car. When he pulled off the tarp, Sam and Castiel gasped.

"Bobby...no way," Sam smiled. "You rebuilt it?"

The week before John was killed by Azazel, the yellow-eyed demon, Sam, Cas and John had wrecked John's car when it was blind-sided by a demon wearing a trucker. The car was a 1967 Chevy Impala that both Sam and Castiel cherished beyond measure. They hadn't seen it in years and wondered where it had ended up. They assumed an impound lot got hold of it, but staring at it now, shining like the day it was built, they were stunned.

"It'll do better than that piece of shit truck you drive, Cas," Bobby tossed the keys to him. The keys even still looked the same.

"Bobby...thanks," Castiel smiled.

"Don't you dare hug me," Bobby grinned. "Now get. We gotta figure out where that demon is."


	6. Lillith

**Time to meet Lillith! hope you guys are still with me on this!**

* * *

The Impala drove like a dream. Castiel let out a contented sigh as he drove down the highway, Sam in the passenger's seat and Dean in the back, staring out the window like a child. Castiel knew the guy had been to Earth before- hell, he had had sex in a Tibetan forest- but Dean's eyes seemed to be trying to take in each tree, leaf, and hill they could land on. Castiel couldn't help but smile. The angel was turning him into a softy.

"Cas!" Sam made him jump a little. He had been talking to him about something. Damn Dean and his adorable curiosity.

"What?"

"I've been trying to get you to turn for a whole minute. You have to turn around," Sam gave him a confused look. "What were you looking at?"

"Thought I had a zit," Castiel said quickly before making an illegal U-turn in the middle of the two-lane highway. They reached the hospital and Castiel stopped Dean.

"Ok, so we're about to walk into this hospital and tell them we are detectives from the police department and we want to talk to Steven Dubard."

"Why?"

"Because when humans want something really, really bad, they lie. Now, we don't mention demons, angels, ghosts, unicorns or the Apocalypse, ok? What we want you to do is go Mr. Invisible and scope the place. Look for signs of anything unusual- sulfur, scratches on the walls-"

"Indications of demonic presence," Dean nodded as he finished his sentence again for the millionth time.

Castiel smiled and looked down. "Don't do that."

"Sorry," Dean mumbled, looking over at Sam.

"Now, if things get hairy, you get out. Go back to Bobby's and we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Dean-"

Castiel held up a finger and made a shushing movement. "No arguments. Sam and I will be fine. We've dealt with demons before. Ok?"

Dean hesitated, then nodded with a defeated look. Castiel glanced over to make sure Sam wasn't looking then pecked Dean on the cheek.

"It'll be fine. Now disappear."

With a final soft smile, Dean did just that. Castiel caught up to Sam and they walked in, pulling their badges from their pockets. They approached the switchboard and the little receptionist looked up.

"Minor and Page from Sioux Falls PD," they presented their badges in a practiced manner.

"What can I do for you?" the young woman asked with a smile, leaning forward in an obvious attempt to show them her boobs. Castiel couldn't believe the sight made him cringe.

"We're here to speak to a patient by the name of Steven Dubard. He came in last night."

Her eyes lingered a bit too long, but she finally typed on her keyboard then furrowed her brow.

"He was transferred to Briar Ridge Mental Institution this morning. Sorry."

"What about a Claire Dubard. She's his daughter," Sam asked. She sighed and went back to typing.

"She's on the fourth floor, room 486," she returned to leaning over her desk. Her eyes met Castiel's and she batted her eyelashes. "Anything else I can do for you, officers?"

"No," Castiel answered, feeling Sam look at him, surprised, "thank you though. Have a nice day."

They turned and walked toward the elevator. Sam let out a laugh.

"Cas, what's happened to you? I normally would have had to work this case by myself because you would be in the bathroom with her."

Castiel shrugged his shoulder. "Just not feeling it, I guess."

Sam placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder, stopping him. "Cas...is it Dean?"

Castiel sighed, shrugged Sam's shoulder off and kept walking.

"If it is, I'm totally cool with it! I didn't know you were gay, but-"

"I'm not, Sam... I don't know...All I know is that I can't stop thinking about him. I want to take care of him. I want to be everything he wants and needs me to be..."

Sam chanced a small smirk. "You're in love, dude."

"Not in love," groaned Castiel as he pressed the elevator button and stepped in, "I just care."

The elevator door closed in front of them. "So what did you two really do last night?"

"Dude, what are you, twelve?" Castiel fought the blush running up his cheeks but Sam took notice, letting out a laugh.

"I knew it! And that storm! That was you two-"

"Ok, ok, yes, I banged Dean. We're working a case, Sam," he heaved a sigh of relief as the elevator door opened and they could step out.

"Just know I'm happy for you, ok? You've never had anyone really but me, Dad and Bobby. Dean really seems to love you and has for thousands of years- literally."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but he knew Sam was right. He was also glad that he didn't have to sneak around the subject anymore.

They reached the nurse's station and an older nurse stepped from a patient's room in front of it.

"Oh, can I help you?" she asked ever so politely.

"Yes, Minor and Page from the Sioux Falls PD. We are here to talk to Claire Dubard about her attack last night. We'll be quick, I promise."

The woman gave them a smile and nodded. "Right this way, sirs. She's been very good about all this. She's still very frightened, but-"

"Castiel," he jumped about a foot off the ground as Dean appeared behind him. The old nurse clutched her chest.

"What the hell are you-?"

"The girl's window," Dean said urgently. Castiel and Sam ran past the nurse, Dean in tow, and threw open the door to room 486.

The room was destroyed. It looked like a slaughter house with blood splattered against the white surfaces of the walls and linens.

"Oh my Heavens!" the nurse cried from behind them and ran over to the desk to call security. The three men stepped into the room and Castiel inspected the window. There, on the ledge, was a pile of a yellow, dusty substance that smelled like rotten eggs.

"Do you think they took her?" he asked, wiping the sulfur off on his pants.

"Or they painted the walls with her," Sam said sadly. They looked around and tried to find any clues as to where the demon may have gone, but there was nothing. They did, however, find out who decorated the walls. A small piece of hand was discovered beneath the bed that had a wedding ring on the ring finger.

"Must be the lovely Mrs. Dubard," Castiel cringed and tossed the hand back on the floor. "Come on, let's get back and put out and APB on Claire Dubard. She can't have gotten far, she's only seven."

They rode back in confusion and apprehension. They now had a missing child on their hands.

"Did you see any signs of her, Dean?" Castiel asked, resting his elbow on the window and propping his head on it.

"None. There were scrape marks down the side of the building where something seemed to slide itself down, but that was all."

Castiel let out a sigh and felt a hand on his shoulder. He glanced in the mirror and saw it was Dean's and felt himself relax a little. It wasn't the first time a child was involved in one of their cases, but something didn't sit right with him about this one. Something big was about to happen with that child and he knew it.

They walked in to Bobby's to find the place empty.

"Must have gone to town," Castiel shrugged and took off his trench coat and suit jacket.

"His car is outside," Sam peaked out the window and looked over at Castiel. They had worked together long enough to know that that wasn't a good sign.

Both men pulled out their guns and carefully scoped the bottom floor of the house.

"Bobby?" Castiel called for the hundreth time to no avail.

"Cassy!?"

A tiny voice piped up from behind him, causing him to jump and whip his gun into position to shoot. A beautiful little girl with bright blue eyes, blond ringlets, and a pair of white hospital patient scrubs stood barefoot in Bobby's den. She was splattered with bright red blood.

"Oh, Cassy, it's been so long!" she ran over and threw her arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly in a hug. His stomach churned.

"...Claire Dubard?"

She looked up and grinned. "No, silly," her eyes rolled back in her head, revealing pure white. "It's me...Lillith."

Castiel moved to shake the small girl off him but she gripped him tight.

"I missed you so much when those mean old angels took you away. Remember when we used to play hide and seek? You would hide, I would find you, I would beat you with a mace...it was so much fun! Please come back with me, Cassy. We could get rid of all those mean old angels and these stupid people and we could play hide and seek forever-"

A flash of bright light struck the little girl in the back, making her cry out a little, but she didn't fall. Her eyes went from playful to deadly in a matter of a second and she turned.

Dean had his hand raised, his eyes a little wide at the ill effect of his blast. Sam stood behind him, ready to strike.

"Diniel...I remember you," she turned around and faced him. "You were one of the mean angels who took Cassy away from me."

Dean screamed and hit his knees, clutching his stomach. Blood began pouring from his mouth. Castiel made to move, but found he was being forced to the spot. Sam was thrown backward across the room.

Lillith then walked over to Sam. "And you're Sam! Azazel told me all about you! You're the last of his children."

Castiel looked over at Sam in shock. What the hell did that mean?

Sam didn't look too surprised. "Azazel is dead."

"Oh, I know. You and Cassy killed him. Bet that didn't make the thirst go away, though, did it, Sammy? You secretly hoped it would," she placed a tiny had on his cheek. "Poor Sammy. He wants that demon blood so bad he can't stand it. Don't worry, though. The end has already started without you. That was Cassy's fault."

She turned back to him while Dean choked on his own blood. "See, Cassy was in Hell for 40 years. It only felt like four months because humans are stupid and slow...he was carved and beaten and torn apart by the torture master for so long he just couldn't stand it anymore," she snapped her fingers and Castiel hit his knees hard, causing him to grit his teeth.

"Cassy became the torturer...he carved up mommies and daddies...even little kids," she stood right in front of him, glaring down at him. "You started this, Castiel...you broke the first seal and made the end come."

Castiel felt like he would vomit.

"You're lying," he growled. She slapped him hard across the face.

"Silly Cassy, you know I wouldn't lie," she smiled and walked over to Dean.

"The angels were trying to stop you. They came to rescue you because you were going to end the world, but you just couldn't wait...and you little angels weren't fast enough," she knelt down to Dean. "Oh, the things I could say about you, Diniel...like why you call yourself Dean. I bet Sammy would love to know about that..."

Dean growled and his eyes began to glow. He looked absolutely rabid with the blood dripping from his mouth. Lillith backed away, smirking.

"Go ahead, try and charge up...I'm not afraid of you."

Dean's body seemed to buzz and glow, the lights in the room beginning to explode, the walls shaking on the foundation. Castiel watched in awe as Dean's wings stretched across the room and he looked up at Lillith.

"Go."

His voice shook the room, causing a change in Lillith's immovable expression. She looked...scared.

"I'm not afraid of you," she repeated, sounding less sure than before.

"GO!" The ceiling began to break apart. Cracks formed in the floor beneath them. Lillith looked back at Castiel.

"This is just the beginning, Castiel...I hope you are ready."

She disappeared and Dean's light went out, causing him to collapse to the floor.

"Dean!" Castiel, finally able to move, scrambled over to him. Sam ran over and knelt down.

"Help me," Castiel and Sam lifted Dean up and carried him over to the couch. Castiel cupped Dean's face and studied him a little.

"He's still alive...I think," he brushed a small section of hair back next to Dean's ear.

They sat in silence, trying to take in all that had happened since they walked into the door. Castiel felt a hole forming in his stomach that was burning more each time he thought about what Lillith had said.

'You started this, Castiel...'

"I was going to tell you..." Sam finally piped up. The mention of the demon blood was brought back to Castiel's attention. He felt anger seeping into the hole.

"That you were a blood-sucking demon spawn?" Castiel looked up at him. Sam rolled his eyes.

"It was something Azazel said...right before we killed him. 'It'll never stop'. When I was a baby, Azazel came to me and bled in my mouth...then my mom came in and he killed her...my brother, Dean, too."

Something jolted in Castiel's mind. "Dean...you're brother's name was Dean?"

"I never told you?" Sam furrowed his brow.

Castiel shook his head, feeling a little dizzy. Too much at once. "Back to the demon blood..."

"I've never...I've never actually drank it. Every time we kill a demon I have to stop myself. It's like a bad itch you can't scratch. Azazel said it would make me unstoppable..."

Dean stirred a little, bringing Castiel's attention to him. "Dean? You ok?"

Dean's eyes blinked open slowly. "Lillith..."

"Gone. You freaked her out pretty good. You gotta teach me that," Castiel gave a nervous smile and helped Dean sit up.

"I'm gonna go see if I can find a trace of Bobby," Sam hopped up, obviously ready to be away from the demon blood conversation. Castiel sat on the couch next to Dean, who was still a little weak. Castiel gripped Dean's forearm and touched their wrists.

"Castiel," he seemed to try and protest.

"Shut up and get better," he argued. Dean gripped him back and the feeling of fatigue swept over Castiel for a moment, but when Dean let him go, it was gone.

"Thank you," Dean gave a weak smile. "Did she hurt you?"

"No worse than any other demon," he shrugged and stared down at his hands. Dean placed a hand over his.

"What she said-"

"Is it true?" Castiel looked up at him, eyes slightly damp. "Did I really start all this?"

Dean sighed and, finally, nodded. "Yes...but you didn't know."

Castiel stood up and ran his hands through his hair. "I couldn't handle it, Dean...I tried so hard to fight Alistair, but it just got to be too much-"

"Castiel," Dean stood and grabbed the man's shoulders. "You didn't know."

"But why me!? How did I break this...seal or whatever!?"

"In Revelation, it states that a righteous man will shed blood in Hell and that would be the first seal. There are hundreds, but only 66 need to be broken...if they are broken, Lucifer's cage will open and he will walk the Earth."

Castiel looked shocked. "So...I opened the first door to popping Lucifer's box..."

Dean gave him another determined look and repeated, "You. didn't. know. All we can do now is do whatever we can to stop it. This is what God called you for, Castiel."

"Or did he send you to pull me out before I jumpstarted the Apocalypse?"

Dean looked a little guilty. "He was...sure that you would, actually, but he wanted you here and ready when it began. You can stop it, Castiel. I know you can."

Dean was looking at him with such reverence that it made Castiel's eyes water again. "Why do you have so much faith in me?"

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's waist and rested his head on Castiel's. "You led me once and never failed me. You can do it again."

Castiel sighed and let a tear fall down his face. "It's too big..."

"You can," Dean whispered again. A thump and voices down below them startled them.

"Sam found Bobby," Castiel wiped his eyes. "God, Sam...demon blood...what the fuck?"

"There will be time to talk about things...it's not now," Dean rubbed Castiel's bicep.

"Like what Lillith said about you? Why you call yourself Dean?"

Dean's body tensed a little. "Yes...I will explain."

Sam and Bobby came up the stairs and Dean stepped back from Castiel to reduce suspicion on Bobby's part.

"He has a panic room," Sam sounded dumbfounded.

"That little skank came in and I barely had time to lock the door," Bobby was dabbing at a gash across his face he must have gotten before entering the panic room. "Heard you went supernova, Dean."

"Little bitch ran like a scared puppy," Castiel scoffed. "Bobby... we gotta talk. Some things have kind of come out now and we may have some leads on this Apocalypse thing."

They muddled through the crazy bits of information Lillith had spat out during her time there. Bobby's reaction to Sam's secret was pretty much the same. "You better not go guzzlin' demon blood, boy, or I'll stick a boot so far up your ass you'll be thinking about my footsteps," he threatened, to which Sam didn't say a word. Castiel's burning gut flared up when he had to tell Bobby about how Hell broke him and he started the Apocalypse.

Bobby sighed. "Well...we stepped in it, so we gotta clean it up. Let's just start with Revelation and work our way forward from there. I have King James, Hebrew and Arabic...pick your poison," he dropped a pile of books on the table.

"I'm gonna step out for a sec," Castiel said in a slight daze. "I'll be right back."

Without a look at any of them, he stepped out of the back door and walked around the corner to the shop. There, he hit his knees and buried he head in his hands. The overwhelming feeling in him finally broke free and for the first time since childhood, Castiel broke into a sob.

"Why...why me?" he started to talk to God. He hadn't since he was a child and had given up hope that there even was one. "I know why you casted me out...but there are so many other angels out there...so many who are better than me...I failed at being an angel and I'm a shitty human...why me?"

He mumbled for almost an hour, fisting his hair and letting the tears fall freely. No one saw him and no one would know.

Finally, he pulled himself together enough to stand up and when he did, Dean was standing there.

"You were gone a while," Dean stood with his hands in his jeans pockets. The longer he was on Earth, Castiel noticed, the more human things he picked up on. In the beginning, Dean would never have stood so leisurely.

Castiel sniffed. "Yeah, just had to clear my head."

Dean gave him a concerned look. "I wish you didn't have to deal with all of this, Castiel. I wish I could take it away."

Castiel rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against the car in the shop. "Yeah...you and me both."

Dean seemed to be thinking about something. He was looking at Castiel, slowly up and down. Castiel cocked an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I...know something that may help you feel a little better...if that's ok?" Dean slowly approached him, looking a little apprehensive. Castiel thought it was kind of cute.

"What is that, may I ask?"

Dean stepped in front of him, then knelt down, face- to -face with the zipper of Castiel's jeans.

"...Oh," Castiel's eyes grew.

"Would this not please you?"

Castiel's inner struggle seemed to take a back seat. "No, no, I'd be pretty pleased...if you want to, I mean."

Dean gave him a smile then started unbuttoning Castiel's jeans. Castiel closed his eyes and leaned his head back, feeling Dean's warm, rough hands sliding his jeans down his bare thighs, then back up to slide down his underwear.

Castiel wasn't hard to begin with, what with the feelings of immense guilt and all, but Dean started to suck on the soft spot right where his groin joined his thigh and it was immediate. Castiel reached down and gripped Dean's head, feeling teeth scraping at his skin.

"Fuck, Dean," Castiel sighed and scratched lazily at the back of Dean's head. Dean let out a soft sound then moved lower, bringing his fingers up to lightly stroke Castiel's balls. Castiel shivered from his head to his toes. Dean's touch was electric. The world seemed to fall away around him and no Apocalypse or demons or anything could touch them.

"Dean," he urged him with his hand on the back of his head. Dean's slight scruff was scratching against his cock and was driving him insane. "Dean, please."

Dean glanced up at him and smiled. "Patience is a virtue."

"I have no virtue," Castiel growled and involuntarily thrusted his hips forward. Dean finally took Castiel into his hand and ran his tongue up the shaft then sunk down onto him. Being outside in the middle of nowhere had its advantages. Castiel gripped the hood of the car and groaned as Dean began to pick up his pace a little and do something with his tongue under his head that made his toes tingle.

Something occurred to Castiel in that moment- this would end...messily if his years of experience were anything to go on- and...

"D-dean, I'm-"

Dean looked up at him and nodded, increasing his pressure and speed with insistence. Castiel gripped Dean's shoulder, moving his hand from his head in case the angel didn't want to take one for the team. As he came, he felt Dean swallowing around him.

"Holy shit," Castiel mumbled, half from the fact that Dean had swallowed and half from the intensity of the orgasm Dean had just sucked out of him. Dean let go and rubbed Castiel's hip.

"So...did that help?" his voice was a little hoarse. It should be, Castiel thought, he just DT'd my cock.

Castiel nodded dazedly. "Yeah...that was very good." Dean stood up and Castiel tried to pull his jeans up, but was still a little wobbly. Dean helped him and Castiel pulled Dean close to him.

"You're still...you know," Castiel nodded down.

"I'm ok," Dean shrugged. Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean's lips, tasting himself on the angel's lips. The weak organ between his legs tried to respond.

"I'll fix it later," Castiel said against his mouth and pecked him one more time. "I guess I need to get back in there...start reading the Bible."

"I have told Bobby and Sam what I know, which is mostly everything, but I couldn't tell you how to stop it."

"We've got that part. You did good, angel," Castiel rubbed Dean's lower back. Dean quirked an eyebrow.

"Why did you just call me angel?"

Castiel laughed when he realized it. "Oh...it's a nickname among humans. Angel, baby, darling, honey...stuff like that. It just sort of slipped out."

"Is it kind of like when Sam calls you Cas?"

Castiel shrugged. "It's just a shortened version of my name. You could call me Cas, too if you wanted."

Dean thought then nodded. "I'll call you Cas, then. I kind of like it."

"I'll find a good one for you. In the mean time, we should go," Castiel reluctantly let go of Dean and they walked back toward Bobby's, Castiel feeling more relaxed.

* * *

**We're about to find out much more about Dean :)**


	7. The L Word

**Gotten into the Season 5 storyline in my latest writings. This is still back in season four. So long story short, here's what's gonna happen in the next few chapters.**

**-Jo, Ellen and Rufus- Jo and Ellen may/may not die hunting Lucifer.**

**-Demon blood- Sam DOES get addicted**

**-John Winchester- still not father of the year, sorry**

**-Castiel pretty much becomes full angel- no wings, sorry**

**-Zachariah- they don't meet the same way as in the show. Many episodes I'm not using here.**

**-Lisa and Ben- well...you will see :/ poor lisa and ben...**

**Anywhoozles, here we go. May the Lord of Light shine upon you for the night is dark and full of terrors...and clowns...remember that.**

* * *

They didn't get very far that night. They gave up around four a.m. and decided to catch a nap before hitting it again the next day. Bobby went upstairs while Dean showed Sam and Castiel demon warding.

"Man, why can't you guys slice yourselves open for this?"

"It only works with human blood," Dean drew another type of sigil on a piece of paper.

"But Sam has demon blood, remember?" Castiel stood with a beer, legs crossed in front of him. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dude, I told you, I never drank. It's just...in there."

"It's true, Cas, he's never actually activated it," Dean said, not looking up from his book. The first time Sam had heard Dean call him Cas he made a 'aww' face at Castiel that earned him a bottle cap to the forehead.

"It's still weird," Castiel shook his head.

"Hey, it's not like I asked for it. Yellow-Eyes killed my mom and brother the night he did it. Not really something I'm happy about."

Castiel glanced over at Dean again and saw that he had stopped drawing. He seemed to be lost in thought.

"Dean?"

Dean finally looked up and met Sam's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Sam."

Sam furrowed his brow, confused. "Sorry for what?"

"I knew Azazel was coming for you."

A bombshell had dropped. Sam put down his knife. "You what?"

"My job was once to warn mothers of danger coming to their infants...some things could not be stopped but whatever orders I was given, I was to take..."

Sam leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, looking a little huffed up. "And what order did you get about Azazel?"

"...None," Dean hung his head a little. "God didn't want us to stop Azazel from feeding you demon blood. After Castiel fell, I was lost...I wandered Heaven trying to find my place and discovered my place was exactly what I was created for. I started back on my rounds and when I heard whispers of a demon and Sam Winchester, I knew it would be bad in the long run. I went to Mary Winchester and told her not to disturb Azazel... that it would be the last thing she ever did... Sam-"

"No...finish," Sam stepped forward. "What did you do?"

Dean shook his head. "I stood outside and watched."

Castiel's eyes slid closed. This was about to be loud.

"You WATCHED!? Watched while my family burned!? While that demon bled on me!?"

"I had to, Sam! It was supposed to happen. I didn't like it, but I did it. I wish I could take it back, but I can't...there's something else...what Lillith said about my name..."

Sam, at the moment, didn't seem to care less. He shook his head and turned away, hands raking through his long hair.

"The reason I call myself Dean is because my vessel is named Dean..."

Sam turned around, looking confused. "Vessel?"

Dean indicated his body. "This mechanic from Lawrence, Kansas."

"That's where I was born," Sam said thoughtfully.

"Dean didn't die in the fire, Sam...I rescued him."

* * *

Sam stared, unbelieving, at Dean. "They found his body..."

"Bones of a large calf I found...I wanted them to think he was dead. I had never lost a child, Sam, and I wouldn't lose an innocent bystander either."

Sam plopped down in the chair in front of Cas, who was staring in disbelief at Dean.

"I took your brother to a kind family in Lawrence...told them I would watch after them as Dean grew up."

"We never went back to Lawrence, so I never saw him..." Sam said deadly.

Castiel shifted in his seat. "So...Dean, Sam's brother...he's the mechanic you're wearing?"

Dean looked up and slowly nodded.

Sam looked brokenly up at Dean. "You're my brother?"

Dean sighed. "He's in here...he remembered me and what I had done for him...I told him I was in need of a vessel to save an angel from Hell...that I would be bringing the angel back to you...he didn't hesitate to say yes."

Sam covered his mouth with his hand and tears welled in his eyes. "My brother is alive."

"He sees you every day," Dean nodded. "I can hear him sometimes."

Castiel didn't know what to say. All their lives had been about justice for Mary...for Dean...and now they discover Dean has been with them all along.

Sam sniffed and straightened up a little. "Can I...can I talk to him? The real him?"

Dean looked a little apprehensive. "I can't do it often...maybe just this once..."

"I just want to see him. Please, Dean," Sam begged. Dean glanced over at Castiel to gauge his reaction.

"What do you think?"

Castiel shook his head. "I'm just trying to get my head around the fact that I slept with Sam's brother."

Sam couldn't help but let out a wet chuckle. "I won't kill you for it, you didn't know."

"Can I still sleep with your brother?" Castiel asked cautiously. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Just don't tell me about it," he cringed. Dean smiled in relief. He had been holding on to that for so long. He knew he had to tell Sam eventually, but had hoped it would be much later. Sam turned back to him.

"Please, Dean...just for a few minutes."

Dean thought, then nodded. He slid his eyes closed and a bright light flashed behind his lids. When they opened again, it was obvious that Diniel had given up the reins to the man whose body he was occupying.

Dean shook his head and blinked a couple of times. He looked up immediately at Sam.

"Sammy?"

His voice even sounded different. Diniel's voice was steady and deep. Dean's voice shook slightly, sounding a little thinner as he stared at his little brother.

"Dean," Sam replied. "You're..."

"Yeah. God, it's good to see you. Diniel found an old picture that made it through the fire and brought it to me...you look way different," he laughed nervously. Sam stood up and walked over. Dean stood and gave his brother a long overdue hug. Sam couldn't fight the tears anymore.

"It's ok, Sammy. I'm ok," he assured him, a smile still on his face. "Diniel took care of me and told me all he could about you. When he said he was saving Castiel from Hell and would need a vessel when he came back, I didn't look back. I knew I would get to see you."

Sam stepped back and held Dean at arm's length. "You look a lot like Dad, you know?"

Dean laughed. "I don't remember much about Dad...just the picture and a few little things. What was he like?"

Sam thought for a moment, deciding not to tell him that the man was a stubborn ass and that they really didn't get along. "He was tough, but he loved us...he started hunting demons after Mom died...talked about you guys every day."

Dean nodded then looked over at Castiel. "You're Castiel?"

Castiel had been taking it all in, not expecting to be a part of the brotherly reunion. "Oh, yeah."

Dean smiled. "He's got it bad for you."

Castiel let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah...sorry about that."

Dean gave him a look like he was crazy. "Sorry? Dude, don't ever be sorry for getting some."

Castiel decided that he liked real Dean. Dean faced Sam.

"I gotta let hot wings back at the wheel. I'll be checking in from time to time. I mostly don't know anything is happening. Last thing I actually remember is a big storm." Castiel blanched at that and covered his head with his hands.

"Do I wanna know?" Dean furrowed his brow.

"No," Sam laughed and gave his brother one final hug before the angel took him back.

"Stay safe, Sammy. Love you, little brother."

"Love you, too," he said back. Dean's eyes flashed a bright blue and the obvious sign of Diniel's straight posture returned.

Sam just smiled and squeezed Dean's shoulder. "Thanks."

Dean nodded. "He is happy as well." Castiel went and got another beer, downing half of it before getting to the table.

"That was weird," he stated and, as the sun came up, he tried to forget that he owed Sam's brother an orgasm.

* * *

He didn't forget...and didn't really feel that weird about lying on top of Dean after Sam went to bed.

Dean held him close, arms wrapped lazily around his neck as Castiel dipped his tongue past parted lips to wrestle playfully with Dean's own.

"I would have thought hearing that I was wearing Sam's brother would slow you down a little," Dean chuckled quietly in Castiel's ear.

"I don't know...you're still in there," Castiel propped up on his elbows, resting his hands on each side of Dean's face. "You're still you and I like you."

Dean gave him a small smile. "I like you as well, Cas."

Castiel smirked. "I bet you don't like me as much as I like you."

Dean furrowed his brow inquisitively. "You think not?"

Castiel shrugged and shifted his weight on top of Dean, causing a slight rub of friction on Dean's lap. Dean was obviously trying to engage in the conversation, but Castiel's body against him, moving, made him lose track.

"You seem to like me very much."

Castiel wiggled his brow. "More than you know."

Dean's face fell very slightly. "I do."

Castiel let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Dean...this is new to me. I know this is something you have felt for a long time..."

"I understand, Cas...I'm trying to just let you remember everything else, but it's hard. I just wish I could hear you say...well, it's not important-"

"What, Dean?" Castiel sat up a little, moving off Dean to rest at his side.

Dean shook his head, looking away. "Don't worry about it, Castiel. You aren't the same angel you were before. You may not...feel the same."

Castiel could see Dean was struggling. He knew what he felt for Dean. He liked Dean a lot. More than he had ever liked anyone ever and he couldn't explain why. He knew it had something to do with the life he knew before but to be pulled back to Dean so quickly...what they had was obviously stronger than he knew.

"Well...tell me how you feel, Dean," Castiel said tentatively. He was a little anxious to hear what he had to say.

Dean let out a soft, watery laugh. "You may be put off by it..."

"Try me," Castiel rested his head on his hand. Dean turned his head on his pillow and looked into Castiel's eyes.

"Fine...but you asked for it...Before we met...in Heaven...I was very shy. I wandered aimlessly through existence just being what I was created to be. Then...there you were," he looked down at Castiel's hand that rested on his stomach. "I had never felt anything before. Emotion was just something I had heard of but never experienced until you started training me. You were strong and brave...something I had never thought I would be but you made me strong and brave, too."

Castiel's heart was racing as Dean spoke. The way he talked about him sounded so reverent and...loving.

"We spent a lot of time together- less and less in training and more and more in different realms of Heaven simply enjoying each other's company. Then we were alone once...I said that I had strange feelings for you that I couldn't explain and you just smiled and you kissed me..."

Dean seemed to stop and stabilize himself. A small smile came across his face. "Humans have an expression- seeing fireworks. I saw galaxies erupt. I felt as if I had been reborn. From that day on, I was not shy Diniel. I was yours. You told me humans call what we had... love."

There was the word. It frightened Castiel beyond belief but he had asked Dean to tell him how he felt for him.

"Angels don't understand the concept of love in the sense that we felt it...so we never told each other we loved each other," Dean squeezed Castiel's hand. "We found other ways..."

"What was it?" Castiel asked, voice shaking a little. Dean shook his head.

"Not telling you...remember, I told you it was precious...I want you to remember."

Castiel sighed and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I remember. So...you loved me?"

Dean swallowed hard and looked up into Castiel's eyes. "I still love you."

Castiel's heart skipped a beat. It was burning in Dean's eyes how much he loved Castiel. Castiel had never loved anyone in his life but his parents, John, Bobby and Sam...those were different types of love. Castiel sat up for a moment and swung his feet off the bed, planting them on the floor and trying to still his racing thoughts. Dean sat up, but didn't touch him, letting him be with his thoughts.

"I don't..." Castiel started, but lost what he was going to say. So many things were going through his mind.

"I understand, Castiel," Dean said, sounding a little sad. "I know you don't feel the same anymore. I have lived for many years without you and just knowing you are safe...that you feel anything at all for me...that's enough."

Castiel blinked away a gentle wave of tears. "I'm sorry, Dean-"

"You keep apologizing," he felt Dean's hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't."

"No, I should," Castiel turned around and a single tear fell down his cheek. "If I were in your position, I couldn't imagine living each day with someone I loved knowing they didn't feel the same. I just...I don't know how to feel. This is all too much to take in..."

Dean placed a gentle hand on Castiel's cheek and kissed him silent. Castiel's tense body relaxed against the touch and he sighed. Dean released him and gave him a smile.

"I would wait forever, Castiel. If you never remember, I'll always be here for you because I made a promise to you long ago that nothing could ever make me turn from you. Not even unrequited love. The minute you tell me to go, I'll go...but until then I am here to help you carry any burden."

Castiel sniffed and felt an immense warmth that made him look down at his wrist. They weren't connected there...so why the warmth?

The early morning sun was starting to cast a dull light through the window, lighting Dean's face just so and like a bus Castiel was hit with a realization.

Dean was beautiful. The soft glow of the sun on the side of his face lit his green eyes like small emeralds. Castiel didn't realize he was reaching up until his fingertips came into contact with Dean's clean-shaved jaw and gently ran down towards his lips and chin. Castiel traced Dean's lips with his fingertips, like he was caressing silk. Dean seemed a little curious about what he was doing, the question in his eyes, but his voice seemingly not able to find its way to the lips Castiel was leaving to trace down his Adam's apple to the collar bone that peaked beneath the collar of his shirt. Dean's breath was hitching slightly more with each new site of skin touched.

"Dean," Castiel said softly. Dean's eyes met his and he looked positively edible, chest heaving gently as Castiel's hand went from his collar bone to cup his neck and pull him in. Castiel kissed him passionately and lay him back on his vacated spot on the bed. Castiel slid his free arm under Dean and pulled him close, wanting to be as close to him as possible as heat rose between them. Castiel had always done this part well- the seduction and groping- but to touch so gently and to hold the person close to him...he didn't know what was happening but it was just on the other side of perfect.

Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel and slid a hand beneath his shirt. Castiel sat back and pulled it off, allowing Dean to sit up and do the same. It was almost physically painful to be so far away from Dean that he made quick work of unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them off before doing the same to Dean and pushing him back against the pillow.

"Should I be on top of you?" Dean asked in his awkward way, but Castiel let out a soft, breathy laugh.

"No, angel...I want to do it like this," he held himself over Dean and ran his hand down his bare side to his hip and gently squeezed. "Is that ok?"

"Anything," Dean smiled and kissed him again. Castiel rubbed gently over Dean's thigh and down to where his entrance was. Dean hissed a little and squirmed.

"Hold on," Castiel hopped up off the bed and went over to his bag, digging through it and finally standing up and bringing a small bottle to him.

"I figured this would be less sexy than you sucking on my fingers, but more comfortable," Castiel popped open the cap and squirted a little on his fingers before returning to Dean's ass and slipping a finger inside. Dean gasped and thrusted his hips down, searching for more.

Castiel leaned down and kissed Dean's neck then worked his way over his tight chest and stomach. The closer he got to Dean's cock, the more he felt nervous, but he knew he could do it. He never had before, but he thought that maybe, in some distant past, he actually had. Dean's cock bumped his chin and he took a steadying breath before taking Dean into his mouth.

It was strange, sucking someone else's cock, but the sound that Dean made when he did was enough of a reward. Dean's head tilted back into the pillow and Castiel felt the bed dip slightly next to him where Dean was gripping the sheets. Castiel grabbed Dean's hand with his free one and squeezed it. He felt Dean twitching in his mouth and it was starting to become a little bit addicting, experimenting with his tongue in various places to see what kind of reaction he would get from Dean.

"Cas-" Dean breathed out, body feeling drawn tight around Castiel's fingers. He released him quickly and pulled his fingers out, unable to stand the wait. He poured lube on his hand and slicked himself, jumping a little at the contact. He braced himself over Dean and slid into his body.

The first time had been a little nerve wracking and tentative. Castiel didn't have any experience with males and was a little worried about it. This time, however, he knew just what to do- just where to thrust to hear Dean's deep rumbling groan and feel him grip his back, nails biting into his skin. Castiel was moving slowly, taking in each shift in Dean's expression and every flex of muscle. He took Dean's arm and pulled his arm down to the bed next to his head, slipping his fingers between Dean's own and holding his hand down onto the bed. There was a shift in the air and Dean rested his other hand next to him, opening it for Castiel to take it.

With both hands pinning Dean's to the bed, Castiel picked up his speed and leaned down to kiss Dean, feeling his body tingling with an immense pleasure he hadn't felt so fiercely since their first time. His heart was throbbing with affection for the angel beneath him and he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't keep the words from coming, but he actually meant them.

"I love you, Dean."

He felt Dean squeeze his hands and with little warning, Castiel felt his body release and he groaned against Dean's chest. Dean had come only a moment before him. Castiel released Dean's hands and Dean immediately pulled him close, the mess on his stomach having vanished in a matter of seconds. Castiel buried is head in Dean's neck and felt the angel trembling beneath him. He chanced a look up at him and saw he was crying. Angels, as Castiel knew, had to be in a lot of pain or sadness to actually, physically cry.

"Dean...Dean, you're crying, what happened?" Castiel immediately sat up and pulled Dean with him. Dean just shook his head and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm...happy," Dean choked against the side of his neck and Castiel ran his hand through the back of Dean's hair, smiling at the response.

"Do you mean it?" Dean asked, pulling himself together. Castiel kissed the side of Dean's face and smiled.

"I really do. I don't know how to explain it, but I would do anything for you, Dean. Things have been coming back to me that I haven't talked about and I have realized how much you really mean to me. I've lived on this earth for almost thirty years without you but now...Dean, I don't think I could dream up a day without you."

Dean sniffed and pulled Castiel down for a passionate kiss. Castiel sighed and buried his fingers in Dean's short hair. Dean rolled Castiel onto his back and broke their kiss, resting his head on his chest.

"It's so strange hearing you say 'I love you'," Dean mused, fingers tracing circles on Castiel's stomach. "It sounds so...human."

Castiel laughed softly. "Well, I've been human for a while...and that's how I feel."

"Must be nice...to be so sure of yourself, I mean," Dean smiled. Castiel placed a finger beneath Dean's chin and pulled his face up to look at him.

"You can feel if you want, Dean. No one is stopping you."

"I've never felt anything besides affection for you...but since I found you again everything is so confusing. Even before, I didn't feel the degree of emotion I've experienced...like I'm disconnected from Heaven."

Castiel shrugged and wrapped an arm around Dean's shoulder. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"What, disobey? Be cast down and live with you forever?"

Castiel's heart skipped a beat. "You could."

Dean looked up at Castiel. "Forever is a long time."

Castiel smiled and sat up, bringing Dean with him. He laced his fingers with Dean's. "I can do forever."


	8. Diniel, Interrupted

**guys...we're getting closer to season 10...**

**Deanmon...dying Cas...Sam going to great lengths to find his brother.**

**the drama, yo! teh drama!**

**so can't wait to see what canon has in store for us.**

**and for all the haters dissing the Cas/Hannah story...come on, guys. If Dean isn't gonna get sweet Cas 'D' then superbadass Hannah should. I'm a little intrigued to see what they do with it. Unpopular opinion stated, let's move onward with my little fantasy here. Some not so nice things are about to happen to Cas and Dean...couldn't be rainbows and puppies forever, right?**

* * *

Castiel woke to the smell of something burning. He was a little sad when he noticed Dean wasn't with him. He threw on a pair of pants and bounded down the stairs into Bobby's kitchen to see smoke.

"Bobby?" Castiel called out, then he heard a mumbled curse and a smile crossed his face. He walked into the kitchen to see Dean standing at the sink, running cold water into a skillet full of bacon.

"Having trouble?" Castiel chuckled, leaning against the door frame.

Dean looked disappointed. "I was...going to make you breakfast. I have seen people do this many times, but it's harder than it looks."

Castiel walked over and took the skillet from Dean's hand and set it in the sink. "You don't have to make me breakfast, angel," he wrapped his arms around Dean's sagging shoulders and kissed him softly. Dean sighed.

"I wanted to, though."

"Where's Bobby and Sam?"

"Bobby went to town about ten minutes ago...I don't know where Sam went."

Castiel smirked and pressed Dean back against the sink. "He's not here, though, right?"

"The car is gone," Dean's voice quivered a little. Castiel reached down and started unbuttoning Dean's jeans.

"Well, how about I give you something for the kind thought," he knelt down and slid Dean's jeans down, pulling his semi erection from his underwear. It didn't take much to have Dean groaning and gripping the sink.

After, Castiel made them bacon and eggs and they sat at the table, hands clasped on Castiel's thigh. Bobby returned, carrying a sack of groceries.

"Smells like something burned in here," he crinkled his nose.

"Dean's not a good cook, we've found," Castiel smirked at Dean, who gave him a sorrowful look. They quickly let go of each other's hands, but Bobby noticed.

"So, what's with you two? You're practically conjoined twins lately...thin walls speak volumes, kid," Bobby looked to Castiel, a knowing look on his face. Castiel blushed.

"Sorry, Bobby-"

"Whatever it is...hold on to it," Bobby walked over and started putting groceries away. "We have a short time on this old Earth. No use in letting something good go to shit."

Castiel knew Bobby wasn't much of a sentimentalist. To hear him say that was as good as his blessing.

"Thanks, Bobby," he said softly. Dean reached back under the table and squeezed Castiel's hand. A reassuring gesture.

"So where's your brother? I wanna hear some more about this whole 'demon blood' thing. I don't know if I trust it."

"I've looked into Sam, Bobby," Dean assured him. "He hasn't been indulging."

"Well, I know how these boys love to throw themselves into the fire for humanity or whatever," he said, "and I just think that boy needs a talking to."

Sam came in, followed by someone that made Dean stand abruptly.

"Why did you bring that thing in here!?"

The girl with long black hair rolled her eyes. "Diniel...always a pleasure."

"Easy...she wants to help," Sam raised his hands in surrender. Castiel furrowed his brow.

"What's going on?"

"We don't need help from hellspawn," Dean growled. Anger rolled from the girl and her eyes went black as she charged Dean.

"Ruby, stop," Sam grabbed her arm, causing her to hide her eyes , but her anger was obvious.

"Sam, what the fuck were you thinking!?" Castiel stood. Sam shook his head.

"When you went to Hell, Ruby came to me...said she would keep an eye on you. She failed to mention the angels were laying siege."

"Because she ran like a frightened child," Dean's eyes never left Ruby.

"You know what, featherhead, I am about this close to dropping this and ripping your wings off myself-"

"Please...try," Dean gave her an amused smirk. Castiel knew the timing was very inappropriate, but this side of Dean was a little sexy.

"Heard that," she glanced at Castiel with a smirk. "Dirty boy."

"Look, Ruby found the Colt...you remember the Colt?"

The Colt was a Colt .45 pistol that was created by Samuel Colt in the 1800's. The gun was made to kill demons. John had found it to use on Azazel, which didn't work out so well for him, but it worked wonders when Castiel put the last bullet straight between Azazel's eyes.

"Yeah I remember," Castiel rolled his eyes. "I also remember that we unloaded the last bullet in Azazel's brain. It's useless without the bullets."

"You underestimate me, Castiel," she smirked. "I know what makes that gun tick. I can fix it up to where any bullet will work."

"What's your angle?" Bobby asked, quirking a brow.

"I want Lillith's annoying little face blown off," she shrugged. "And if your reputation means anything, you two can do it."

Castiel looked between Sam and Ruby. "So...you just happened upon a demon who could help, huh? Out of the fucking goodness of her lack of heart?"

"I'm doing this for me, asshat," she snapped. "I have a price on my head from Lillith personally. Fighting for Hell side isn't exactly on my list of things to do before I get ganked."

The four men exchanged looks, then Castiel finally spoke up. "Where is it?"

Ruby reached into the back of her jeans and pulled out the Colt, placing it on the table and sliding it toward Castiel.

"Why should we trust you?" Dean asked, hands still balled into fists as though he were ready to strike.

"Trust me, don't trust me, who gives a flying fudge. Just take the gun and kill that little bitch."

With a blink, she was gone. All eyes turned on Sam.

"A demon...a fucking DEMON?" Castiel gripped Sam by the collar and slammed him against the wall. Bobby pulled Castiel off of Sam, who didn't try to fight back.

"Castiel, she's legit. She reported to me all the time about you in Hell. I knew you had given in to Alistair and I knew about the seal."

The pantry windows shattered around them, sending glass flying. Dean walked over and placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder to calm him, but he trembled with power.

"And you trust her? What, you gonna be sucking her blood like a damn leech now? She supplying you?"

"I told her I didn't wanna go down that road, so I'm not!" Sam yelled. "Why don't you trust me with this, Cas?"

"Because DEMON, Sam! That should be enough!" The wood floor cracked beneath Castiel's feet.

"Castiel, you need to calm down," Dean said calmly in his ear. Castiel barely heard him from the ringing in his ears, but he let himself relax a little bit and the slight hum in the air around him died. Sam looked genuinely fearful.

"Cas...you know me," Sam stepped forward slowly. "You know I wouldn't do it. Please..."

Castiel looked up into Sam's sincere eyes. "I don't know what to think, Sammy...I don't trust that hell bitch, but if you tell me you won't...just don't do it, ok?"

Sam nodded and picked up the Colt, turning it over in his hands.

"So...Bobby, do you think you can figure this thing out?"

Bobby, though apprehensive, nodded. "I can give it a shot."

* * *

Castiel walked outside the next day after being up all night thinking about Sam and that demon bitch. He was exhausted, but all he could think about was distraction. He lifted the hood of the Impala and started to change the oil. Then, he checked all the plugs to make sure they were working right. Then he washed the engine. He couldn't stop or he would start thinking again and that was dangerous. Dean had gone off somewhere to do some digging on where Lillith may be and which seals had been broken while he was stuck with Bobby and Sam. Every thought that wasn't about Sam was about Dean. Since he told Dean he loved him, he started to think about the future. If they survived the Apocalypse and Diniel was cast down, would they be together? Would Dean be cast off into a child as Castiel was, forced to grow up human and never see Castiel again? The questions in his mind were giving him a headache.

Castiel suddenly hit his knees, a deafening ringing piercing his ears. He heard his name...it was Dean.

He couldn't really see much in his mind- there were flashes and blood and his name. It wasn't a memory...it was like he was seeing it in real time. Then, he saw a building, like it was strategically placed in his mind. It was a warehouse. Wrigley, South Dakota.

When Castiel got his barings about him, he ran inside.

"Sam! We gotta go!" Castiel blundered into the living room.

"What's up," Sam immediately stood, grabbing his coat.

"It's Dean...it's something bad," he turned and headed toward his car. He explained to Sam the situation on the way there, the demon blood and Sam's new Hell companion pushed aside for the moment.

"What was Dean doing?"

"I don't know...there was blood and flashes and then I saw this building. He was calling my name, Sam. I think he was calling for help and I heard him."

"What...like he was praying to you?"

Castiel shrugged, the thought of being prayed to giving him an uneasy feeling. They entered Wrigley and searched for the building.

"There!" Castiel whipped the car into the lot and both men hopped out to open the trunk.

"What if there are angels in there, Cas? We've never taken angels before."

"Dean is in there, Sam," Castiel slammed the trunk, pocketing his pistol and a knife. "I'll take on however many I have to blind."

Sam nodded and they hurried inside. The place was destroyed. The metalwork in the roof was in knots and there was electricity from frayed wires popping off around them.

"Holy mother," Castiel mumbled and started climbing over piles of twisted metal to search for Dean. Sam was flashing his light around the room and found something a little frightening.

"Cas, look," he pointed his light toward a back wall. There was a very large blood sigil painted on the wall.

"I've seen that...Dean used it once to keep angels out...guess it didn't work out."

"This was an angel fight?" Sam asked in awe.

Castiel looked around the destroyed room for any trace of his angel. His body was tense with panic.

"Cas, over here!" Sam called as his light fell on a single body among the wreckage. Dean lay bloody and unconscious.

"Dean," Castiel ran over and shook him. "Dean, come on, wake up."

"Heal him, Cas," Sam pointed his light straight on him and Castiel centered himself and placed a hand on Dean's chest.

Like a shock had hit him, Dean's eyes flew open and he looked around frantically.

"Wha-"

"Come on, let's go," Castiel helped him stand, but Dean hopped up and started looking around frantically again.

"Diniel...where's Diniel?"

His voice was higher...he wasn't Diniel.

"Dean?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Where is he?" Castiel asked nervously.

"I-I don't know," Dean glanced down. "He's gone."

* * *

As Dean ate, Castiel watched him closely, as if expecting Diniel to just pop right back into his body. He was happy Sam's brother had survived the attack, but he missed his angel.

"So, what happened, Dean?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head, mouth full of burger. "I just remember a flash then you were there. Those winged ballsacks must have got him."

Castiel leaned back in his seat and ran his hand through his hair. "Do you remember anything else?"

Dean shook his head again. "I'm sorry, man. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I barely remember anything about being possessed."

Sam and Castiel exchanged looks. "Can I talk to you a sec?" Castiel asked. He and Sam walked into the other room and Castiel glanced back to make sure they were out of ear shot of Dean.

"What the Hell?"

"I don't know, man," Sam said, defeated. "Maybe they took him back because of what he has been doing...you know, getting too close like he said before."

"You think they, what, threw him in jail or something?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know, maybe? We gotta put him on lockdown, Cas. He's an empty vessel now. Demons will be crawling over each other to get him and question him."

"He doesn't know anything," Castiel whispered frantically. The thought of the demons with their hands on Dean made him sick.

"They would find a way to make him tick. Look, we will keep an eye on him 24/7. Maybe Diniel will drop back in and we'll know for sure."

"Or Diniel is dead and we're screwed," Castiel rubbed his face in his hands.

"Look, Cas, I know you're worried...but we have to be careful. Like I said earlier, we don't know the first thing about taking down angels."

"I am an angel, Sam," Castiel said sharply. It was probably the first time he had finally admitted to it. "And if I have to go through 100 of them I will."

Sam felt the buzz of power rolling off Castiel's body. "Ok, ok, just keep it cool. Look, you take first watch and get me up around 3. It's all gonna be ok."

Sam turned and walked up the stairs while Castiel leaned back against the wall. He didn't want to go back in there. His angel was gone and all Castiel was left with was the empty vessel Diniel occupied. It was going to be hard to watch him for the next five hours.

Finally, Castiel took a deep breath in and turned back into the kitchen. Dean was looking at photos in Bobby's den.

"Wow...Sam was an ugly kid," he chuckled, holding a picture of Sam, Bobby and Castiel. It was taken by a neighbor one afternoon while John was on a hunting trip. Castiel looked at the photo as well.

"We were staying with Bobby while John was gone. Here," Castiel knelt down and pulled a photo album from the bottom shelf, dusting it off and flipping through the pages to find a photo of John. When he did, he handed it to Dean.

Dean's eyes grew big. It was taken when Castiel was around eighteen and Sam was fourteen. John hadn't changed much except for a few grey hairs in his later years.

"Dad," Dean gave a soft smile. "You grew up with him too, right?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah."

"What was he like? Sam said he was tough, but...what kind of Dad was he?"

Castiel glued his eyes to the photo of John. "He was a hero. My parents were killed by demons when I was ten and he saved me...took me in and raised me himself with Sam. He was pretty strict about his hunting, but he took us many times with him and it was like being in the military," Castiel chuckled, as did Dean. "When Sam decided to give up the life and go to college...shit, John was pissed. They didn't talk for almost four years. I spoke to Sam a couple of times in those years, but he just didn't want any part of it...he wanted to be a lawyer and live a normal life. I dragged him back in and I sort of wish every day that I could have just left him alone."

Dean put the photo down. "I hate I missed it."

"Don't," Castiel shook his head. "It's no life."

"But it could have been mine. It may not be perfect, but it was supposed to be mine. At first, I hated Diniel for not taking me to my own family instead of the people who raised me. I should have been there when he died," Dean sniffed a little. Castiel instinctively reached up and wiped the tear from Dean's cheek, but immediately pulled his hand back.

"Sorry...habit."

Dean cocked his brow and scoffed. "It's cool. How are you taking all this? I mean, he was your...boyfriend?"

Castiel shrugged. "I love Diniel...we've never actually said boyfriend, but I love him...I hope he's ok."

Dean nodded. "He'll come back. He always does."

At three, he woke Sam and climbed into bed, staring at the empty space next to it.

"Diniel?" he prayed quietly. "If you can hear me, I hope you're ok...come back soon ok? Don't let those assholes hurt you..."

His voice broke a little and he swallowed tears. Letting his eyes slip closed, he dreamed of John and of Diniel.

* * *

The next day, he was awakened by Sam.

"Dean's gone."

Castiel sat straight up. "What?"

"I went out to the car and when I came back, he was gone," Sam said, defeated. "Cas, there's sulfur on the window."

Castiel's stomach dropped. His phone rang at that moment and he quickly answered it.

"Hello?"

"I got something of yours...you want it? Come get it. Over on South and Sturdivant. Don't keep me waiting," a woman's voice spoke before abruptly hanging up. Castiel threw his phone on the bed hand hopped up to put on his boots.

"South and Sturdivant. They've got Dean."

Sam furrowed his brow. "Did they say that?"

"No, I could see it," Castiel grabbed his jacket. "Come on."

They practically flew to downtown Sioux Falls and jumped out of the car at the abandoned building on South and Sturdivant.

"You still got that knife?" Castiel asked.

"...How did you-?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Angel, Sam, I'm an angel, now get the freaking demon knife."

Sam had not told Castiel that Ruby had given him her demon knife, one that can kill demons. He pulled the knife from a sheath in the back of the trunk and Castiel slammed it before taking off toward the building. Upon entering, there were three demons standing there, waiting. The only one who could have called him was a beautiful woman with tan skin and long black hair.

"Hello, Castiel," she smiled. "Welcome to the party."

"Let him go," Castiel raised his gun to her.

"Don't shoot it, that's my girlfriend," Dean pleaded from his spot behind them where he was bound to a chair.

"Don't go getting all sentimental," she turned to him and rolled her eyes. "You're girlfriend is dead in here anyway," she smiled as Dean's face fell and tears welled in his eyes. "She didn't put up much of a fight. Poor little Lisa...her kid, too."

Dean growled and struggled to get out of the chair but she walked over and punched him in the face.

"Don't worry, Dean," she cooed, cupping his cheek. "You'll join her and her little bastard kid soon."

"I said let him go!" Castiel's voice shook the room. Dean and the demon Lisa looked up to see Castiel's eyes aglow, the ground slightly shaking around them.

"Ooo, testy," she held up her hands. "Well, we've got what we want- you, Sam and little Dean here all in one room. Now... for the punchline...everybody dies."

She pulled a gun from behind her back and shot Dean square in the stomach. Castiel cried out and the windows shattered, the three demons flew backward across the room and Sam suddenly walked forward. He glanced back at Castiel. There was a familiar glint in his eyes. Castiel could see his face- his true face.

"Diniel?" Castiel said nervously. Sam walked over and placed his hand on Lisa, a bright white light emitting from its eyes and it fell to the ground, eyes burned out. The other two demons quickly smoked out of their vessels and dropped the bodies to the ground. Dean was still strapped to the chair, choking on his own blood and sobbing. Sam walked over and knelt in front of Dean.

"Thank you for everything, Dean. You have served Heaven well. Rest now."

"No," Dean ground out. "I have nothing left...please, Diniel..."

"It is your time, Dean," he said again, his voice deep and steady.

"No! Damnit, Diniel, leave my brother! Take me!" He coughed up blood and cringed in pain.

"You will live the rest of your days this way, Dean. No home, no family...are you sure?"

"Yes," he said weakly. "I can't live without Lisa or Ben...Don't make me."

Castiel watched the exchange in anticipation. Finally, Sam placed a hand on Dean's forehead and closed his eyes. A bright light shined through Dean's eyes as the exchange was made and Sam fell backwards onto the floor, eyes wide and in shock. Dean looked down and the gunshot wound healed itself slowly. Castiel let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God...Dean, are you ok?" he hurried over to his friend and his lover, but Dean stood up, walking past Castiel with a determined look on his face.

"Dean-"

"My name is Diniel. I am a servant and a soldier of Heaven. I'm going now, Castiel...don't look for me."

Castiel was very confused. "Wait, Dean-"

"No," Dean rounded on him. "I learned my lesson. I became too close to you once again and I almost died. This cannot continue. I have been reassigned and I intend to do things right this time. There is a bigger picture here and keeping Lucifer in Hell is priority. Goodbye, Castiel."

Castiel felt tears of anger fall down his face. "You promised, you son of a bitch!"

Dean stilled, but didn't turn around. Castiel stepped forward, standing a few feet from Dean. "You promised me nothing would turn you away from me."

Dean still didn't look at him. He simply disappeared.

* * *

**more to come! I keep getting messages about taking requests so I'll address this now. Yes, I take requests. Will NOT do Wincest...I just can't do it. **


	9. Ol Hoath

**October 7 is drawing near friends...and we will have Deanmon...YAY**

**We still hanging in there? Still keepin' it real? Good. Here's some more.**

**Warning: the 'precious memory' is here. prepare for sweetness and squalls...**

* * *

For the next two weeks, Castiel didn't leave Bobby's house. In fact, he barely left the room he was sleeping in. Sam and Bobby continued work on the Colt and finding Lillith. Castiel couldn't bring himself to give a shit about any of it. Fine, bring on the Apocalypse...he had nothing without Dean anyway.

Sam knocked on the door at the end of the third week. "Cas? You in there?"

"No, I'm out right now, leave a message," he said, drunk off the whiskey Bobby kept in the cabinet. He has had to buy a new bottle every day and Castiel grabbed each one and took off up to his room. Sam opened the door and leaned against the frame.

"Come on, man...I know this sucks, but we have an Apocolypse on our hands here-"

"Fuck it," Castiel took another swig of his whiskey.

"No, Cas," Sam started getting angry. "We can end this and save the world. Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?"

Castiel looked up at Sam, rubbing the scruff that was building up on his jaw. "He promised me, Sam. He promised me in this room that nothing would turn him from me...and yeah, I get it, he got ass reamed by the great soldiers of Heaven, but he fucking promised," he said, his voice slurring and breaking. "You promised, too..."

Sam furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not a fucking idiot," Castiel knocked back the rest of the bottle and tossed it against the wall, shattering it to pieces. "You think I wouldn't notice? You stink like demon blood, Sam. You've been drinking it, you fucking piece of shit."

Sam looked defeated. "Cas, it's making me strong...I'm sending demons back to Hell-"

"Well, look at you," Castiel stumbled off the bed and stood up. "What, are you fucking that Hell slut then sucking her blood?"

"Cas, I can kill Lillith-"

"Did she tell you that!?" Castiel screamed. He was fed up with everything- from Dean to Sam he was done. "Nothing good can come of this, Sam! Do you even know what you are going to become when this is all over? You'll be a fucking monster!"

"What, you gonna hunt me? Kill me for trying to save the planet?" Sam asked, voice rising.

"If I have to," Castiel wasn't drunkenly spewing that statement. He meant it. Sam stared at him, his expression unbelieving.

"Well," he swallowed and fixed Castiel with a glare. "Good luck, I suppose."

He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Castiel heard the windows shatter and the floor quaked beneath him. He fell to his knees and let out a dangerous growl and cracked the ceiling and hot, angry tears fell from his eyes. Everything around him was falling apart and he couldn't handle anymore. His blood boiled for Sam, his heart ached for Dean, his mind raced with all the things he wanted to do or say, but he was stuck on the floor, gripping the wood floor with white knuckles and sobbing in anger. Will it end? he asked himself. Will I have to end it?

Sam disappeared for a good week. Castiel was dragged down the stairs by Bobby every day to work on the Colt. Finally, he got it working.

"One step closer," Bobby said, satisfied with his handy work. Castiel stared blankly at the floor.

"Now, if you don't mind, keep the applause to a dull roar," Bobby said sarcastically.

"Bobby...he's drinking demon blood...Dean is gone, probably forever... what use is it to fix that stupid gun?"

Bobby put it down. "You dumbass...you're a hunter. That's the use. You hunt down the evil and save people. This ain't no different. You're best friend betrayed your trust. Your boyfriend hurt your feelings. Boohoo."

Castiel glared up at Bobby, an angry thunder rolling inside his chest.

"Go ahead. Smite me if it'll make you feel better," Bobby challenged him. "But boy, this ain't no different than any other job. You have never walked out on a job and I ain't letting you start now just because you're in a funk. Now, get your ass over to the computer and start tracking omens or so help me God I'll punch you."

Castiel glared at Bobby for another moment, seriously considering his offer to smite him and be done. Castiel had never actually smited before, but how hard could it be? Then he realized Bobby was all he had left. He swallowed hard and stood up from the chair, walking over to the computer and plopped down in the chair, feeling, somehow, a little better after Bobby's lashing.

Bobby's phone rang about three hours into omen tracking and he answers it.

"Hello?...Sam, where the hell are you?"

Castiel glanced up, seeing a worried look on Bobby's face.

"Damnit, boy...no, you...Sam, wait-" he cursed and hung up the phone. "That big bastard."

"What?"

"He found Lillith...she's breaking the final seal at a monastery. He's going tonight to kill her."

Castiel would normally be up and in the car by the mention of Lillith, but he couldn't find a reason to go. "He thinks he can do it...let him," he turned back to the computer. Bobby walked over and whacked Castiel in the back of the head.

"What the-"

"That boy ain't your blood, but he's your brother, Cas," he said angrily. "You better not make him go alone."

"He made his choice, Bobby," Castiel stood, squaring up with Bobby. "He decided to give in and chose to follow a demon instead of work with us. That is the ultimate betrayal. "

"Then pray to Dean," Bobby threw up his hands. "We ain't got time for your daytime drama bullshit lover's quarrel. We are talking Hell on Earth here!"

"He's so far up God's ass he probably already knows. Hell, let them all square off with the bitch and this will be over."

A rustle of the curtains drew their attention away from each other. Castiel's heart skipped when he saw Dean standing there.

"Where is Sam?"

"See, told you they are partnering up on this," Castiel shook his head and turned back to the computer.

"Damnit, Castiel, where is Sam!?"

Dean had never cursed before. Castiel looked back up.

"He's off to kill Lillith suped up on demon 'roids. She's breaking the final seal."

"Lillith IS the final seal. If she dies, Lucifer walks free."

Castiel looked at Bobby, both wearing shocked expressions on their faces.

"Dean...how fast can you get me there?"

* * *

In a blink they are in darkness, no moon out to light the sky. They are outside an old monastery in the middle of nowhere.

"They're in there. There's only a few minutes," Dean looked toward the building. "It's warded against angels."

"How do we get in?"

"You can. You're still human enough that it won't affect you. Just stop him...by any means necessary."

Castiel glared at Dean. "You mean kill him?"

"If it comes to that. Lucifer cannot rise, Castiel."

"I can't kill Sam..." Castiel looked back up at the building.

"Time is slipping by, Castiel," Dean grabbed his shoulders. "Go in there and stop this!"

"What the hell happened to you, Dean," he threw Dean's arms off of him. "What did they do to you up there?"

Dean looked frustrated. "Castiel, not now-"

"Why!? Why can't you just talk to me!?"

"Because I can't ok? I can't because I'll just fall right back into you and won't come back! I have a job to do and you keep me from it! Now get in there and stop your fucking friend from killing us all!"

Castiel held his glare for a moment before shaking his head. "If we survive this...you and I are discussing this. Don't give me that 'I have orders' bullshit, either. You loved me once, Diniel. You still do. And I still love you. This isn't over."

Castiel left an angry Dean behind as he marched toward the gate of the monastery and ripped the lock off the chains with incredible strength.

He entered the place and found bodies lining the hallway. Demons, he assumed. Sam was apparently powerful enough to take on over a dozen without breaking a sweat. How the hell was he supposed to stop him from killing Lillith?

'By any means necessary' rang through his ears like a bad song. He shook as he pulled his gun from behind his back and loaded it.

Commotion down at the end of the hall behind a bolted door drew him away from his thoughts, his gun ready to fire. He ran over to the door and banged on it. Distract, he thought to himself.

"Sam!? Sam, don't do this! It's a trap!"

The voices hushed behind the door and then suddenly, a flicker of light and screams came from the other side. Lillith screamed, then she didn't.

Laughter...that demon bitch was laughing.

"You knew..." he heard Sam say.

Damnit, he thought and he stood back and kicked the bolted door as hard as he could, throwing it into the room off its hinges and seeing Lillith lying on the ground. Dead.

"No," Castiel growled and pulled out the blade he had stolen from Dean. Without a thought, he walked over to Ruby and raised the blade. Sam turned her and held her down while Castiel pierced her chest with it. She cried out and flickered like a dying bulb before falling to the ground.

Sam looked over at Lillith, shock and disgust on his face.

"Cas..."

"Shut up," he grabbed Sam's arm and pulled, but Sam didn't move.

"Cas, look," he pointed down at the floor. Blood drained from Lillith's body and began to form a circle that spiraled inward in the middle of the floor.

"We gotta get out of here, Sammy," Castiel pulled agian.

"I didn't know-"

"Sam, it's ok, come on," Castiel yanked Sam's arm again and ran to the door, but the metal door flew back onto its hinges and barred them in.

They were trapped.

They woke on a plane surrounded by people reading Skymall and watching the in-flight movie.

"What happened," Castiel looked around, expecting something big to happen, but it was silent.

"I don't know...where are we?"

The pilot got on the radio and made an announcement. "Passengers, we will be landing in about fifteen minutes. Please put your belts on and prepare for landing."

Suddenly, a flash of light shot up toward the sky, causing the plane to jolt. It was the cage. It was opening.

* * *

One week into Apocalypse Now, and no word from Dean. No word from Lucifer either, for that matter. Everything seemed to be as hectic as it always had. Castiel stood outside with a wrench and his t-shirt draped over the mirror of his car. Rotating tires seemed to be keeping his mind clear for the day, but since Dean left, it felt as if his memories were beginning to flood back more frequently. He started to remember being a fledgling, training with the soldiers, leading battles into large cities to free slaves. The memories of Diniel were the worst. Castiel now knew his laugh, his anger, his confusion, his moments of weakness and moments of ecstasy by heart. It was the worst type of torture.

For months, he had asked about the precious memory Dean wanted him to remember. As he was walking back inside and entering his room, it hit him like a Mac truck.

_'Diniel stood in front of Castiel in a large, open meadow. It was obviously Heaven. Everything was bright, even the colors were more vibrant. Diniel held his forearm as Castiel held Diniel's. Their wrists were joined and bound with what looked like fishing twine. It was a chain...made of pure silver from each of their wings._

_"Olani commah oi lit ol ollog," Castiel recited, his voice less than steady. Castiel could feel Diniel shaking beneath his grip. "You don't have to say it, Diniel. We can stop this."_

_Diniel looked into his eyes, fear in them, but his determination and love was not wavering._

_"Olani commah oi lit ol ollog," Diniel repeated and suddenly, a powerful feeling of warmth and comfort spread over them both. It felt like a string attaching them at the wrist. Castiel knew he had to finish._

_"The pull of two beings being joined is significant. It is a tether, holding them to each other for all eternity. Nothing can sever it and nothing can attach to it on any side. It is begun at one end and ended at another, both beings on either side, always able to find each other even in darkness." Castiel was nervous. He tightened his grip on Diniel's forearm and said his piece._

_"Humans say 'I love you'. Love is such a word that is thrown around like a child's toy, never truly connecting to the heart. You have asked me before, Diniel what I mean when I say 'No words'. I mean this- no words can describe you, nor can they tell you what you are to me. You are unlike any being that has ever existed and there is no word in the hundreds of languages dead or alive that can describe what I feel for you, not just at this moment, but every moment we have spent together. Words are small and short. Saying I have no words, it leaves the door open to every word imaginable that could even scratch the surface of what you mean to me."_

_Diniel's eyes were fixed on Castiel's, shimmering in the light of the bright green meadow._

_"I know I'm about to leave you here alone, Diniel. I know I am going to Earth, but I will have you with me always. I will find you again, ol hoath...for we are now bound. Your soul is mine and mine is yours. No realms of Heaven, Hell, or Earth can break that."_

_Diniel fell into Castiel's arms and Castiel held him closely, afraid to let him go for good. The centries were on their way and he would not have him to hold for a long time. Castiel, however, smiled._

_"I will find you again, ol hoath...my love," he repeated, his voice breaking as Diniel let out a broken cry. "This is not forever."'_

Castiel collapsed to the floor, the hard wood stinging his knees before being overpowered by his own angelic strength. He buried his head in his hands and cried out in anguish.

"Diniel...please...please come back...I remember now. I remember everything."

The feeling of a presence behind him made him look up, eyes bloodshot and burning with tears.

Dean stood by the door, looking down at him with an expression on his face that seemed to be joy, but was masked with apprehension.

"Dean...Diniel...I remembered..."

"I know," Dean spoke, his voice unsteady, but his posture was tight. Castiel stumbled to his feet.

"I bound you to me...you did, too...we got married?"

Dean swallowed. "In the human sense...yes."

Castiel stepped back and dropped onto the bed, steadying himself by holding his knees. "You never told me we were married."

"Bound," Dean corrected him. "Marriages can be temporary, but binding is forever. It's the ultimate gesture of love."

"Dean, I'll do whatever I have to do... please don't leave me again," he choked. Dean took a step back.

"Castiel...I...can't-"

"You said it was forever," he felt like he sounded like a teenage girl, but he didn't care. "What did they do to you?"

"They tortured me," Dean said, obviously troubled by it, "they told me that if I didn't walk away from you they would kill you. This is the only way, Castiel. I won't let you die because of my own selfish heart."

"What about mine?" Castiel stood, starting to feel angry. "Why do you get the luxury of not feeling anything while I have to suffer!?"

"Not feeling anything?" Dean looked shocked. "Castiel, I miss you with every breath. I did this for you! I abandoned God's mission to keep you safe! I physically hurt because I can't be with you so don't you ever presume to think I don't feel! It's all I ever do now that I've found you again."

Castiel shook his head, a fresh wave of tears falling from his eyes. "Everything is so clear to me now...I relieved one pressure only to have another waiting for me. I remember every single memory of us, of Heaven, fuck, my own fledglinghood. I don't even feel like myself anymore and I'm scared. You said you would help me carry this burden, Dean. You carry burdens, too. I want to help you...I want you with me..."

Dean's face held the inner struggle he was facing. He reached up and ran his hands through his hair. "Castiel..."

Castiel stepped forward and pulled Dean close, their lips inches apart and eyes locked. Dean still seemed tensed.

"If there is anything in the world worth betraying Heaven for...it's us. It's the promise we made to each other. No words, Dean...and I mean it."

A moment lingered between them, thick and full of anticipation on Castiel's end. The dam finally broke. Dean surged forward and pressed his lips to Castiel's as he turned Castiel and slammed him against the wall. Relief fell over Castiel like a blanket as he wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean lifted Castiel off the floor into his arms and pressed his body into the wall and kissed down his neck, teeth biting and tongue lapping behind them.

"I missed you so much," Castiel panted. Dean looked up at him.

"I missed you, too," he blinked away tears and took Castiel over to the bed, laying him down and crawling up to capture his lips again. With lightning speed and a bit of fumbling, their clothes were gone. Castiel remained on the bed as Dean went to straddle his lap.

"No...take me," Castiel gripped Dean's bicep. Dean tilted his head.

"It may hurt-"

"It will," he sat up and pressed his palm flat to Dean's heart. "but I want this."

Dean nodded and pushed Castiel back on the bed. He reached over to Castiel's bedside table to grab the lube and coat his fingers. He gently pushed his finger into Castiel, who hissed, but soon relaxed enough to have a second.

Dean had never done this before- taken Castiel. It felt like he had received something so precious that he couldn't believe it was actually happening.

"Dean," he pulled him up to kiss him. Dean coated his cock and slowly pushed in. Both exhaled, eyes glazed and blown out with lust and love for the other. Dean pulled Castiel's legs to wrap around his waist and pulled him up to sit in his lap as he sat back on his knees. His strength was incredible as he helped Castiel move on his cock. Castiel rested his forehead against Dean's as he picked up his speed, heat turning the room into a furnace. The lights above their heads flickered and exploded. Outside, a strong wind and clouds had moved in, casting the world in semi darkness. It was all absent to them, however. Dean lay Castiel back on the bed and gripped his hand in his, their wrists joining. Heat and electricity flowed between them like nothing they had felt before. As their pace quickened, the windows shattered and the intensity of it all casted Dean's large black wings into view, lit up by the raging storm outside.

As the end approached. Castiel let his mind flood over with the memory of that day- the day he made his promise to Dean to always find him again. Overcome with pleasure and emotion, he came hard with a beautiful cry, one that didn't sound like him. Not in this form.

Dean's wings stretched wide around them and he let out a groan that Castiel knew shook the very foundation the house stood on and came inside him. As the pleasure got to be too much, Dean pulled out and dropped next to Castiel, wings retreating back into their natural form hidden from the world and the raging storm around them fell quiet. They could still hear a quiet, peaceful rain fall outside the broken window.

"It's never been that way before," Dean finally broke the sound of exhausted pants with a few quiet words.

Castiel looked over at him, tears still on his face. "What way?"

"We've never...joined our wrists before. Our true forms were revealed to a degree."

Castiel reached up and ran his hand up Dean's smooth back, half expecting to find feathers, but he didn't.

"I saw your wings."

Dean smiled softly. "You did. And I saw you...your real face...it had been so long since I had."

Castiel slid close to Dean and pulled him to his chest, kissing him tiredly. Both were physically drained.

"You won't leave me...will you?" Castiel asked. Dean looked up at him, face full of hurt.

"I...no-"

"You hesitated," Castiel sounded disappointed.

"I won't," Dean sat up on his elbow. "I couldn't even if I tried. Castiel, you gave up everything for me. I thought I was giving you up to save you, but I was so wrong...I'm so sorry I put you through that."

Castiel cupped his cheek and pulled him down to kiss him softly. Dean lingered in the kiss a little longer than he wanted, but he felt like he never wanted to leave the comfort of Castiel's lips. There, he was not Diniel the angel. He was just Diniel. As they finally broke the kiss, Castiel was blinking tears back.

"I'm not going to let them hurt me...I won't let them hurt you either."

Dean smiled and leaned his forehead against Castiel's. "Neither will I, ol hoath."

"My love," Castiel repeated and Dean lay his head on Castiel's shoulder. For the first time in weeks, Castiel fell into a peaceful sleep, his angel by his side.

* * *

**The enochian they speak is something like "I bind myself to this being". I forgot to put it in the subtitles when I wrote it :P Ol Hoath means my love. **

**AAAAAAAAAW**


End file.
